Hey there, church. It's pastor mark.
Again, don't worry, pastor. Jason,
we'll be back next week, but you have
one more week with me. I'm so excited
today to kick off our new sermon
series. Bless your heart. Now we laugh
at that. I'm a good Southern boy. I
know what bless your heart means.
You're not Southern. You might not hear
that all the time. It's a good way of
saying you sound stupid. No, I'm just
kidding. It's not that, but that's
really what it translates to in
Southern, but you know what? We're
going to take a seven week look at
relationships and what Jesus intends
our relationships to be. That's why
we're going to call it. Bless your
heart. See the idea today is that our
relationships determine not only the
direction of our lives, but the quality
of our lives. And we're designed to be
relational. People. See, in fact, our
relationships face many threats. See
there's our own selves that threaten
our relationships. Other people
threaten our relationships and
remember, ultimately, the devil himself
threatens our relationships. And that's
what we're going to look at. But today
we're going to look at how we hurt our
own relationships. Yup. Absolutely
matter of fact, I'm going to title
today's message. It's not you it's me.
And it usually is because the truth is
even, I sometimes hurt my own with
people. See we have normal tendencies
and our tendencies are our sins. If you
think about this, our sin helps us see
the best in ourselves. When in
actuality we see the worst in others.
Our sins make us judge others by their
actions, and yet judge ourself by our
intentions. And you know, that's just
the tendency of sin. Sand ruins, our
destiny seeing ruins our life. And
ultimately sin can ruin our
relationships even internally when we
do it. But the Bible is true and we can
build on that. And the Bible has a lot
to say about relationships. And so
today I, I was reading and I read this
verse and it really stood out to me
because it's the simplest of verses.
But yet when Solomon wrote this it's
earth shattering, he says in Proverbs
four seven, getting wisdom is the
wisest thing mean you can do and
whatever else you do develop good
judgment. Now what else? Smart thing to
say, getting wisdom is the wisest thing
you can do because wisdom has the
direction of our lives and its hands
and the beauty of it. He has wisdom.
Does it eliminate all problems, but it
sure does minimize them think about it.
The older we get, we handle situations
differently. Why? Because we develop
wisdom with age. Typically. Now, even
if you're ancient, you still make
mistakes.
You might not be the wisest person, but
Solomon said it getting wisdom is the
wisest thing you can do. How simple of
a statement is that Romans 1218 says do
all that you can to live in peace with
everyone. Think about that, do all that
you can to live in peace. So when we
lay over the idea of wisdom and our
relationships, Romans tells us to be at
peace with everyone. Proverbs tells us
to get wisdom. It's the wisest thing
you can do. I think today, as a
foundation for relationships, we have
to take a look at the impact that
wisdom has on our relationships. So I
want to talk about the six
characteristics of a wise person,
because I think a wise person seeks out
peace, peace in the relationship, peace
in themselves, peace with God. And I
want us to look at the six
characteristics of what it is to be
wise. And when we do that, there's
actually a checklist given to us in the
new Testament about being wise. It's
given to us in James chapter three
verses and Tang James writes. But the
wisdom from above is first of all,
pure, it's also peace, loving, gentle
at all times, and willing to yield to
others. It is full of mercy and full of
good deeds. It shows no favoritism and
is always sincere. So the first
characteristic of a wise person is
wise. People are honest people.
I mean, think about that. Relationships
are built on honesty. Marriages are
built on honesty and trust, but the
wisdom from above is first of all, pure
pay attention to that word pure because
when we think about it, it means
unpolluted clean, clear untainted. It's
pure. The word we use today for that is
integrity. Have integrity in your
relationships. James is saying the
foundation of all good relationships is
integrity in your friendships, in your
relationships with your spouse, your
children, whatever it is. It's
integrity. I was reading this week and
I, I read this about Dr. Leonard
killer. Now Dr. Leonard killer was the
one that invented the lie detector
test. And I love what he said. He said
that he tested over 25,000 people and
he concluded that people by nature are
dishonest. The man that founded the lie
detector test said by nature, by human
nature. And I don't think he was wrong
because we're born into a sinful
nature. And by nature, people are
dishonest. If you want to be wise and
relationships, you know, I want you to
think about it. Don't live a double
life. Only speak the truth. Even if the
truth hurts, you can be gentle with it.
You tell lies even white lies. All of a
sudden you have to tell bigger lies to
keep up with what you said before for
tell the truth. And you don't have to
remember your own lies.
If you always tell the truth you live
with integrity. I know sometimes the
truth hurts. Be gentle with the truth,
but still tell it, remember that if
there's no truth, there's no trust. If
there's no trust, there's ultimately no
relationship. And so the foundation of
a good relationship is to be honest.
The second characteristic of a wise
person that James taught us is that
wise people are peace, loving people.
He said there in chapter three, that
wise people are peace. Loving people
wise, people are peacemakers. They're
not troublemakers wise wise. People are
not divisive. They don't into it to
nitpick and to tear things apart wise,
people don't complain all the time.
They don't cause havoc wise, people
love peace wise. People are not always
looking for a fight. Think about that.
Sometimes in relationships, we know
what button to push to set that person
off, avoid it. Wise, people are
pacemakers. Don't push the hot button.
Don't provoke your spouse, your best
friend. If you know it's something,
that's go make them mad, beat peace,
loving about them because that's what a
wise person does. Listen, I want to
tell you about my wife, Regina. And I
see like every relationship. There are
times that we don't always agree. Big
shocker, right? We'll get this. Regina
is the one that when she gets mad, she
gets quiet. Boy, that makes me even
matter because I want to talk and you
know what?
I mess it up because I get so mad.
Sometimes I let anger take over and
then I'll start saying things because
she's not talking. That's not why is it
all? That's one of those hot buttons.
If she wants to not talk about it for a
bit, I need to back off. I've been
married 20, almost 21 years. Not just
now learned that. Sometimes I have to
take a deep breath and not talk. And
that's hard for a pastor to do. That's
what we do is we talk, but yet,
sometimes she needs her space. I love
this in Proverbs 23 Solomon also,
right? Avoiding a fight is a mark of
honor only fools insist on coralling.
Yes. So if my wife is watching, I just
said it only fools and says don't
correlate. But sometimes on the
opposite, end of that, what are we
arguing over? What are we not talking
about? What is it? Because only fools
right? Insist on fighting is what the
Bible tells us. See, there were three
responses that destroy peace in a
relationship. The first response is
comparing, listen, ever, ever, ever,
ever say, you're just like your mother
or I wish you could be more like the
comparison trap is the worst trap to
get in and will tear relationships
apart. That is a true, bless your heart
moment. Corinthians 10, 12 says
comparing is unwise. We shouldn't
compare. That's where we get things
like jealousy and fights.
And we begin to covet our neighbor.
Neighbor. Think about that because at
that point in time, comparing is
unwise. The second thing that will tear
a relationship apart is condemning. So
comparing is not good, but neither is
condemning avoid statements. Like you
never, you always, you can't do those
things. You should be ashamed. Those
are not statements that we should say
to those in our relationships because
those condemning statements are
negative statements. That tear
relationships part. And then lastly is
contradicting statements because
contradiction, tears apart a
relationship. Well, that's not how it
happened. Well, you're not telling the
story, right? You ever been with a
couple and, and one cup, one of the,
uh, members starts telling the story
and then the next one's correct in
every one. And they look at them and
say, well, why don't you just tell the
story because contradicting call's
problem. If I think about this, a
statement, and I don't even know who
wrote it, but I found it written this
way because I was studying wisdom is
the art of knowing what to overlook.
Think about that wisdom is the art of
just knowing what to overlook as a
parent. It's the art of knowing what
battle to fight and what battles not to
fight in a relationship with your, your
husband or your wife. It's knowing when
to say something.
And sometimes just when to let it roll
off, because that's the most important
thing you can do to be a peace loving
person. And to be wise, Philippians
four or five says, let everyone see
that you are considerate in all that
you do think about that. The third
thing a wise person does is that wise
people are considerate. People wise,
people look out for others and what
they do, this might be surprising. But
the word all in Greek has one
translation. It means all. There's no
big fancy pastoral translation for
that. All is as simple as all can mean.
Wise is gentle all the time. That's
what James told us to be a wise person.
You have to be gentle all the time.
It's that easy of a translation. See
relationships are 99% gray. And that
was a guy we like black and white. We
like cut and dry feelings are the same
way. Feelings are neither right, nor
wrong. And so in a relationship,
sometimes you have to remember that.
That's what they are. Failings are
gray. You have the right to feel the
way that you feel. And I have the right
to feel differently, but we can't let
that hinder our relationship. There's
no facts here. When we talk about
feelings, it, you can't argue feelings.
This is how I feel. Well, I don't think
you should feel that way. How can you
argue that you should be gentle and
considerate of other?
When we think about that, this, I want
you to think if I want to be wise
minimize how the other person in the
relationship is feeling. Sometimes the
best thing you can do is listen. Maybe
they just want to talk about it. Don't
minimize their feelings. Let them talk.
That is a sign of a wise person. You
don't have to agree or disagree to
listen. Doesn't mean that you have to
take their side or not. It's just
listening to them. You know how many
fights so we could have avoided
marriages. If the husband or the wife
would just listen and give the other
one, the opportunity to talk and then
respond back because it's all
communication. I talk, you listen. And
then you talk. I listen. But with any
one of those falls apart, either I
won't let you talk or you won't talk
back. We're setting up a fight. So to
be wise is to be considerate of other
people. The best way to deal with
difficult person and difficult people
is to be a considerate person and to be
overly passionate with them. The fourth
sign of a wise person is that wise
people are reasonable people. It
doesn't always have to be your way or
the highway be a reasonable person.
Wisdom. As James tells us willing to
yield to others, think about that idea
yield. What does that mean? I love, uh,
I love some other translations of the
Bible.
The living Bible says yield means
allows discussion. The English standard
says yield means to open to reason.
Think about that. To be open to reason
to others, being willing to allow
discussion between people. That's what
a wise person does. Open to reason.
That's willing to learn son and willing
to learn. That's what a reasonable wise
person does. It is foolish to cut
people off. It is foolish to not let
people have their say. It is foolish to
jump to conclusions. So a wise person
is reasonable and they'll sit back and
let people have their say and not to
try to finish it for them. You can't
reason with someone who is
unreasonable. Trust me, I've tried over
the years to reason. And you just can't
reason with these people. Are you a
reasonable person? Are you willing to
listen to the other side before you
make a decision? I even think at work
and with my children or, or whatever
the situation is, there's always two
sides to every story. You've heard that
statement. You've heard this statement.
Well, there's always two sides to the
coin and that's true because one person
sees it one way, the other seasons of
another. And to be honest, most of the
time, the truth is probably in the
middle and that's being reasonable.
When we think about this, can people,
you disagree with reason with you, are
you so headstrong that you aren't the
unreasonable person?
Because the Bible tells us that that's
not a wise person, a wise person is
reasonable. You. Can't reason with the
people that don't want to be reasoned
with, but most of us are over sensitive
to the opinions of others. And
sometimes we don't like to be corrected
thing being that's me. I get that
statement. I don't like to be corrected
sometimes. And I have to remind myself
that I'm not always right. I'm not
always right in my marriage. I'm not
always right in my friendships. I'm not
always right. As a parent, sometimes I
make decisions and I have to go back
and say, I'm sorry that wasn't the
right decision. But I make a decision
with the information that I have. And
it's okay to be reasonable and change
your mind and not be so headstrong that
you never change. You know, I, I read a
funny story and it was, uh, a new
pastor and it was his first sermon and
he gets up there. And then all of a
sudden, after the sermon, he felt
pretty good about itself. That old man
walked up to him and said, pastor, that
message dunk. And then he walked off.
The young pastor just looked around and
another man came up and said, oh
pastor, don't worry about Jim. He only
repeats what everybody else is saying.
Think about that statement right there.
See, everybody has an idea.
They want to give you, everybody wants
to talk about something. There are
going to be people in your life that
try to speak into it. And sometimes
even if you don't want to hear, you
know what you do, you listen, you
listen. And then when they walk off, I
want you to practice something say,
well, amen, bless their heart. But give
them their pace. Let them speak. It's
an okay thing to do. Proverbs 18, 15
says, says, intelligent. People are
always ready to learn. Their ears are
open for knowledge, intelligent. People
are always willing to learn. What'd you
learn today? What was new today? Every
day you should learn something because
at moment that you know, at all, you're
unreasonable, you can learn something
every day, stop wasting your life,
trying to prove that your idea is right
or that your idea is wrong. Sometimes
you just have to move on to the next
idea. And that's okay. Now the fifth
thing that makes a person wise, James
tells us is that wise people are
merciful and kind people wise, people
are merciful and con, remember what he
said in James three wisdom is full of
mercy and the fruit of good deeds.
Who's the wisest in the universe. God,
who's the most merciful in the
universe. God. So think about those
statements to be wise must mean that
your merciful God is the wisest. And
yet the most merciful.
Now you think there's a connection
there. Mercy gives people what they
need, not what they deserve. You know
what mark deserves. Mark deserves hell,
but yet God has mercy on me. So I think
that if I'm to be a little Christ, a
little Christian, I'm supposed to live
and try my best to live. The life that
Jesus lived, I should strive to be wise
and con you know what? Don't emphasize
the mistakes of other people. Don't
always point out the wrong. Don't
always be negative. Or you as the first
words to commodities your mouth, no is
the first words to come out of your
mouth. I don't like that. Sometimes you
even do it because it's out of habit
will eventually, you know what people
are going to start doing? I should say,
stop doing. They're going to stop
talking to you. If you're always
negative. And you always say something
that's a no or a can't or a negative
statement of actually people are just
going to stop talking to you. And
you're going to destroy your
relationship. I read a funny story this
week about a young man who had failed a
test at school. And he went to his dad
and he was, he was so afraid to go to
him. But he had told his friends all
day, man, I got to tell my dad that I
failed this test.
The next day, when he came to school,
his friends were like, what did what'd
your dad do? And he said, well, my dad,
he got historical. And they were like,
dude, you mean he got hysterical? No,
he got historical. He brought up
everything that I've ever done wrong.
Are you that person? Because you
remember what I said that wise people
are and merciful people. Do you keep an
account of every wrong? Isn't that
amazing that our God forgives us. And
then the Bible says he forgets, but yet
it's human nature to give an account of
everything that somebody wrongs you
with. Remember the Lord's prayer is a
daily prayer. I, God help forgive me of
my sins. As I forgive those that are
sinned against me, or debted against me
or trespassed against me, it's a daily
tense that's talked about there. You
can't be historical in your
relationships cause you'll tear them
apart. At some point, forgiveness is
something that you have to reach out to
do you do that? Are you a fault
collector? I like that term a fault
collector because there are things you
hold on to that instant, your husband
or your wife messes up. You bring back
what they did seven years ago because
you've never gotten over it. You're not
being con you know, Matthew 18 tells us
that we have to learn to get over it.
And that's a whole message for another
day, but I want you to go look up
Matthew 18, get over it. That's what he
teaches us. If we want relationships to
work, we have to do that. Proverbs 17
nine says love prospers. When a fault
is forgiven, but dwelling on it,
separates close friends. How can you
have a relationship? If you're picking
every fault, you're tearing them apart.
I promise you that. Learn to let go.
And the last characteristic of a wise
person wise people are sincere people.
Wisdom shows no favoritism and is
always sincere. That's what James told
us. I think back to the Greek theaters
and when an actor would change mask and
play different roles, the Greek word is
hypocrite dose. Well, think about that
to change your mask, to act hypocrite
dose. That's where we get our word
today. Hypocrite wise, people are
sincere. People wise, people are
without hypocrisy says the king James
version. They don't change mask. They S
they're who they are. They're genuine.
They're authentic. If I want to be
wise, I don't have an ulterior motive.
I'm mean it. When I say it, if I say it
to you and I mean it that's what a
sincere person does. I won't lie to
you. I won't cheat you. I won't trick
you. I'm going to be honest with you. I
won't take advantage. I won't mislead.
You wise people aren't posers.
It's that simple wise people are who
they say they are. This is what you
get. This is that's what a wise person
is. They're not, phoneys, they're real,
genuine, authentic people. What you see
is what you, as I close out today, I
want you to remember that wisdom starts
with us. In many times, we tear our own
relationships apart. And so I think
it's important that we talk about being
wise so that we can study relationships
for the rest of the month. Next, next
several weeks, we're going to talk
about it. If we have more wisdom, we'll
have more peace. And the source of that
wisdom and the source of that peace
comes from only one place. And I
promise you that that's Jesus, listen,
today, you might need peace. You might
say, pastor, I need peace. I need
wisdom. I need every bit of what you
just said because my relationships are
horrible. My work relationships, my
friends, my spouse, maybe it is me.
Maybe you do need to find the wisdom to
be successful in your relationships.
Maybe you just need to find the peace
of Jesus. If you need Jesus right now,
I want you to pray with me, dear God,
heavenly father. I know there are
people out there right now that say, I
need Jesus. God. I want you to listen
to their prayers. Friends, pray,
something like this. God save me. God.
I, it meant I'm a sinner.
I believe Jesus died for me. I believe
he was the son of God. And I confess
him as Lord of my life. God, I need
wisdom and peace. My life. I need
Jesus. It is in your name. I pray.
Amen. Fran, maybe you got saved today.
Reach out to us and let us know through
that online connect card. But maybe you
just need peace in your relationships.
I want you to go back and read James
chapter three this week, as you think
about, are you a wise person? What does
that mean? God heavenly father. I pray
for my friends and my family and those
that don't know me that are out there
right now that are struggling in
relationship problems. God, God, that
you'll just pour your favor out upon
them. God, God help them seek out
wisdom so that they can find peace.
God, God help us to look at ourselves
as maybe the reason why our
relationships are falling apart. Guide
God, grant us those things that we need
to be wise. God, God, we love you. It's
in your name. I pray. Amen. Thank you
today, church. Now go and be the
church.

hi, Refuge family I'm Tina, and on and on
behalf of our team, we are so thankful you
chose to spend a little time with us today,
wherever you're joining us from, we're
honored to get to spend it with you! I also
want to say a special welcome to those of
you who are with us for the very first time.
Please let us know by taking a moment to
fill out our digital connect card. It is so
important to us to be able to connect with
you. If you're a returning guest, welcome
back. We want to get to know you, and
there's a couple of different ways we can do
that. Start a conversation with us online or
take part in starting point. I new live zoom
class that gives you a quick intro to refuge
church, and an opportunity to join the
refuge family. For more details on ways to
connect. Please send an email to
online@findrefugehere.com. We love you
refuge and hope you enjoy today's service.
What's up refuge, church, family, pastor
Jason. Here, I have missed you so much over
the past few weeks as I've been on
sabbatical, resting and recharging. Thank
you so much for being such a supportive
church for being a church that cares about
the health of its staff, so that we can do
ministry for the long haul.
I'll also want to say thank you to our team,
to our staff, to pastor mark, Brandon for
taking care of everything while I've been on
sabbatical. Listen, we have an incredible
team here and I'm so grateful for each and
every one of them. I want you to know that I
have missed you so much, and I've been
praying for you all month long, and I cannot
wait to see what God is going to do this
morning. As we continue the bless your heart
series, let's pray together and then jump
into God's word. Jesus. We love you so much.
Thank you for my refuge church, family, God,
I have missed them. I'm so grateful for each
and every one of them and God, I pray today.
Like I've been praying this past month, God,
that you would move powerfully in their
lives. God, that you would speak God
practically give wisdom in every area of
their lives and God today I pray that you
would move me out of the way that the words
that come from my mouth would come directly
from you. Oh God, Jesus. We want you to be
honored and glorified today in Jesus. It's
in your name. We pray and everybody said,
amen. We are on the second week of our brand
new series called bless your heart.
A series on the relationships in our lives
and how to deal with difficult people in a
way that honors Jesus and brings peace into
our lives. Last week, we laid a foundation
for this series by talking about the
characteristics of a wise person. And today
we want to talk about anger. Have you ever
seen someone lose their temper enough to
learn a bless your heart from a local
grandma? Now, if you don't live in the
south, bless your heart. It is not a nice
term. Believe me. You can have a great
today. You can be enjoying every moment when
an angry customer or an upset boss or a
grumpy friend walks into your life. And at
about 1.2 seconds, all of a sudden you two
are frustrated and mad or upset. Remember
from last week, the big idea of this series
is that our relationships determine the
direction and the quality of our lives. God
uses us to grow other people and he uses
other people to grow us. And if you want to
are going to have healthy relationships
where we can grow, where we can become more
like Jesus, then we must live. How to deal
with our anger. If you have your Bibles with
you, encourage you to open up to the book of
Proverbs. That's where we're going to hang
out most of our time together today. But if
you don't have a Bible with you, don't
worry.
All the verses are going to be on. The
screen is I was studying about anger. This
week. I came across this story. I wanted to
share with you. There was an elderly lady
who was stopped, uh, pulled into a parking
place when a young man in a brand new red
Mercedes went around her and parked in the
space. Instead this little old lady, she was
so upset. She went up to the young man and
said I was going to park there. Well, the
young man was a real jerk. He said, that's
what you can do when you're young and rich.
Well, this upset the lady, even more. She
got in her car, she backed it up and then
stopped on the gas and plowed right into the
Mercedes. The young man ran back to his car
and said, what did you do that for? And the
old lady just smiled and said, that's what
you can do when you're old and rich, Hey,
listen, anger is not always wrong. But
uncontrolled anger is, you know, there are
some situations where anger is the
appropriate response. We need to be angry
against injustice, angry against greed,
angry against racism, angry against abuse.
The Bible says over 375 times, there were
moments when God, our Jesus gets angry, but
it was a righteous anger. It was a
controlled anger. Uh, let me, we'll give you
a little foundation. Some facts about anger.
Women lose their temper and average of three
times a week while men on average lose their
temper. Double that about six times a week.
Women typically get angry more as people
when men get more angry, more often at
things, see single adults express their
anger twice as often as married adults and
the place that you are most likely to
express your anger is at home. We get angry
more often and more intensely with those
that we love rather than strangers. And
there are 51 illnesses that can be directly
linked to anger. So the issue is not trying
to eliminate all anger because that's just
not possible. Rather, the question is how
can I express my anger in knowledge,
destructive ways. Remember what Ephesians 4
26 says, when you get angry, we're all gonna
get angry. When you get angry, do not sin.
We have a choice. We can either get angry
and we can control it, or we can get angry
and we can sin. And God doesn't want us to
sin in our anger. I told you earlier that we
were going to spend a lot of time in
Proverbs. Today. Proverbs was written by the
wisest person who ever lived king Solomon.
And if you will remember, king Solomon is
David's son. He succeeded king David, and he
asked God for wisdom, wisdom, and how to
lead people, wisdom in relationships.
So what I want us to do for just a moment, I
want us to read some of these verses some of
this wisdom from Proverbs about anger,
Proverbs 25, 28. If you cannot control your
anger, you were as hopeless as a city
without walls. Open to attack Proverbs 12,
16, a fool as quick tempered, but a wise
person stays call when insulted Proverbs
1632, it is better to be patient than
powerful. It is better to have self-control
than to conquer a city. Well, Jason, what do
we need to walk away with? What are the
winds for the day? The wind for today is we
need to understand the most common ways that
people express their needs, anger, and learn
how to disarm it in others and in ourselves.
So there are, or unwise ways to express
anger. If you're taking notes, you probably
fit into one of these categories. First are
the exploders. These, the people that when
they get angry, they blow up. They mow
people down. They are very expressive. Maybe
they even throw things. Maybe they yell.
They just let it fly. When they get mad,
they blow up to, you might think of them as
a walking Tomball with a hair trigger,
they're a powder keg, right? Ready to blow.
Then there are the employers and employers
don't blow up. They clam up, they live in
denial. They refuse to admit when they're
angry, I'm not angry. I'm not mad. It's a
masquerade.
It's pretend they conceal how they feel.
They try to suck it up. I call this pot
anger because it simmers and it stew slowly
over time. Here's the problem. When you
swallow your anger, it's going to make you
sick. And the result is high blood pressure
and tension headaches and all SIRS and all
kinds of illnesses and conflict never gets
dealt with properly. Number three are the
martyrs. And when the martyrs get angry,
they throw a pity party. They're passive.
They're self punishing. What's wrong with
me. It must be all my fault. I ought to. I
should have a muscle. You have one of the
most common signs that a person deals with
their anger as a martyr is a lot of martyrs
deal with depression. Then number four,
there are the wreckers. They don't get mad.
They get even, they're all about revenge and
a lot of movies. And a lot of TV shows in
our culture are built around records.
They're built around this category of anger.
I've got to get back. I've got to get even
you see manipulators will never face you
head on with their anger. They're always
trying to make you hurt as well. They want
to wreck your situation. But what we have to
understand about these categories of anger
is they are all learned responses. And the
good news is if they are learned responses,
then they can be unlearned.
What I want to do is I want to give you some
guidelines that will help you deal with your
anger and the angry people in your life. So
here's what the Bible says. Five biblical
ways to deal with anger and angry people.
Number one, if you're taking notes, you've
got to count the cost. You've got to count
the cost. You are less likely to get angry.
If you realize that there is always a price
tag for your anger. The Bible is very
specific about the costs of uncontrolled
anger. Proverbs 29, 22, an angry person
causes trouble. And the person with a quick
temper, a lot Proverbs 15, 18 hot tempers
calls, arguments, Proverbs 14, 29, anger
causes mistakes. Proverbs 14, 17 people with
hot tempers do foolish things. I don't know
about you, but I've learned this personally
in my life, nothing destroys relationships
faster than anger. I have relationships that
didn't cover after a momentary display of
anger. It is a shame for me and for them.
And I don't want you to walk through that as
well. Count the cost. Number two, look past
their words and see their pain. Proverbs 9,
10, 11 says, uh, man's wisdom gives him
patience. It is to his glory to overlook
offense. You have to understand friends,
hurting people, hurt people, hurting people,
hurt people, and there are people in your
life. And they have said things to you,
things that they didn't mean things that
they shouldn't have.
And it was rooted in a deep hurt that they
were had. It was rooted in a deep hurt. They
were experienced in their life. I want to
teach you about a myth this morning. There
is a myth that one has a set amount of
anger. Uh, think of it like everybody has an
anger bucket and your bucket is full of
anger. And we feel like there is a point
where if we can just dump the bucket out,
that we won't be angry any more that you can
just get rid of it. Maybe I'll just get rid
of my anger with an outburst. Maybe I can
just get rid of it with a primal scream. But
research shows France that aggression
produces more aggression, angry outbursts
leads to more anger, not less. So be
careful, be patient with people,
understanding. And there are things going on
in people's lives that you may not know
about. I believe with all my heart, that it,
every person you came in contact with had a
son around their shoulders, telling you what
they were dealing with. You would treat them
different. If you just knew. Number three,
you need to think before responding think
before responding anger control is largely a
matter of mouth control. Sometimes we just
need to not react. Proverbs 13, 16 says
sensible people always think before they
act, you see the more you understand, the
more understanding you'll be.
You'll be understanding with your spouse,
with your kids, with your coworkers, with
yourself. I want to give you three questions
to ask yourself. When you begin to get
angry, three questions to ask yourself as
you process your anger first, why am I
really angry? Second? What do I really want
in third? How can I really get it? And it's
not with an outburst. I can tell you that
right now. If you reflect before reacting,
you can identify the root cause because you
have to remember that anger is contagious.
Have you ever noticed that? If you're in an
argument and somebody else gets loud, what
happens? You get loud too. You react, you
respond. And so we want to stay calm.
Proverbs 15 one says a gentle answer,
quiets, anger, but a harsh one. Stirs it up.
You can't put your foot in your mouth. When
your mouth is closed. Number four, if you're
angry, we need to ask God for help. Have you
ever her squeezed toothpaste out of a tube
of toothpaste? What comes out toothpaste?
It's the same way with us when we are
squeezed, what's on the inside, comes out.
Have you ever talked to somebody? And they
got mad and they yelled. And they said,
well, gosh, I don't know where that came
from. I can tell you it came from their
heart because out of the overflow of the
heart, the mouth speaks. The Bible says,
pressure always reveals.
What's on the inside of you. And as
believers in Jesus Christ, we should have
what? Galatians 5 22 calls the fruit of the
spirit, that evidence of the holy spirit in
our life. Love joy, peace, patience,
kindness, goodness. Self-control when we get
squeezed, that's the fruit that we want to
come out. If I'm built with this spirit,
almost nothing upsets me. If I'm filled with
the flesh, almost everything me, we have to
remember that people and things can
influence us what or who is influencing you.
And number five, you need to keep your
identity. He rooted in Jesus Christ, angry
and insecurity go together. The more
insecure that I feel, the more likely I am
to allow anger to control me, listen to
Proverbs 29, 25. This is the message.
Paraphrase. The fear of human opinion,
disables you, but trusting. God protects you
from that. How can God help me manage my
anger? The problem is always someone else.
The problem is what is in heart. My mouth
betrays, my mouth shows what is really
inside of it. That's me. How can God change
your heart? The Bible says that he can give
you a brand new one. You see friends. Every
one of us is born a sinner. We are born
separated from God because of the sin of
Adam and Eve in the garden. We were born
wanting to be our own boss. We're born
wanting to make our own decisions.
We want to do our own thing. And that
separates us from God. And when we're
separated from God, we are destined for a
very real eternity in a very real place
called hell. Listen, but God loved you so
much that he sent his son, Jesus Christ, the
devil across for you. He's built his blood
so that you can be forgiven and set free. He
rose again from the grave to prove to
everyone that he was exactly who he said. He
was the son of God and the flesh. And if you
will place your faith in him, if you will
trust in Jesus Christ, the Bible says that
he will forgive you. The Bible says that he
will save you. The Bible says he will rescue
you and he will give you a brand new heart,
a brand new life today. He will give you a
home in heaven when you die. And he will
walk with you each and every day through
each and every circumstance. Jesus can give
you peace with God and peace in your
everyday ordinary life. But it's a decision
that only you can make the decision to place
your faith in Jesus Christ. And I want to
give you that opportunity right now. Maybe
that's you. When you say Jason, I want to
give my life to Jesus. I want to invite you
to pray a prayer with me right now in this
moment.
If this reflects what God is doing in your
heart, and you can repeat it word for word
or listen, you can use whatever words are
more comfortable for you, but pray something
like this. God, I've been going my own
direction with my life. I've been doing my
own thing. And today I realized that I'm a
sinner separated from me and I realized God
that I need a savior. And that savior is
your son. Jesus Christ. I believe Jesus died
on a cross for me. And I believe Jesus rose
from the grave. So I could be forgiven and
set free. God. I asked for your forgiveness
today. I asked for a brand new life today.
Jesus, you are my Lord and I love you. And
I'm going to follow you for the rest of my
life. Jesus, thank you for my fresh start in
Jesus. It's in your name. I pray. Amen. If
that was you, I want to congratulate you
because that's the greatest decision that
you could ever make with your life. The
decision to follow Jesus foot, please,
please don't change the channel. Please
don't turn off this video without letting us
know you can go to our website or you can
fill out our digital connect card, give us
name and email address a phone number just
some way to reach out. And I want to send
you my ebook.
Next steps for new believers to help you
grow in your faith, your faith doesn't stop
today. It starts today and we want to help
you become more like Jesus Christ. Now at
the end of every service, we dedicate time
to prayer and worship. And today's no
difference if you need prayer for anything
in your lock on bought you to go to our
website and fill out the online prayer
court. Or if you're online right now, you
can put your prayer requests in the comments
below our prayer team is on standby to
intercede for you to call your name out to
Jesus because Jesus loves you and he has for
you. And we love you. And we are for you.
Let's worship together. Jesus. We love you
so much. Thank you for my friends. God,
thank you for every person that can hear the
sound of my voice. God, I pray for them
right now. God, that you would break down
any lies of the enemy that he has spoken
into their lives. God, I pray Lord Jesus,
that there are people listening that need
healing. God, I pray that you would heal
father. There are people that need
provision. I pray that you would be Jehovah
Gyra the provider. Oh Lord God. For those
that are dealing with doubts and angers and
insecurity father, I pray in Jesus name that
they would find their hope and their
security and you that you would define them.
Oh God. Oh Lord Jesus. I pray that people
would become everything that you have called
and created them to be in Jesus. It's in
your name. I pray. Amen.

hi, Refuge family I'm Tina, and on and on
behalf of our team, we are so thankful you
chose to spend a little time with us today,
wherever you're joining us from, we're
honored to get to spend it with you! I also
want to say a special welcome to those of
you who are with us for the very first time.
Please let us know by taking a moment to
fill out our digital connect card. It is so
important to us to be able to connect with
you. If you're a returning guest, welcome
back. We want to get to know you, and
there's a couple of different ways we can do
that. Start a conversation with us online or
take part in starting point. I new live zoom
class that gives you a quick intro to refuge
church, and an opportunity to join the
refuge family. For more details on ways to
connect. Please send an email to
online@findrefugehere.com. We love you
refuge and hope you enjoy today's service.
What's up refuge, church, family, pastor
Jason. Here, I have missed you so much over
the past few weeks as I've been on
sabbatical, resting and recharging. Thank
you so much for being such a supportive
church for being a church that cares about
the health of its staff, so that we can do
ministry for the long haul.
I'll also want to say thank you to our team,
to our staff, to pastor mark, Brandon for
taking care of everything while I've been on
sabbatical. Listen, we have an incredible
team here and I'm so grateful for each and
every one of them. I want you to know that I
have missed you so much, and I've been
praying for you all month long, and I cannot
wait to see what God is going to do this
morning. As we continue the bless your heart
series, let's pray together and then jump
into God's word. Jesus. We love you so much.
Thank you for my refuge church, family, God,
I have missed them. I'm so grateful for each
and every one of them and God, I pray today.
Like I've been praying this past month, God,
that you would move powerfully in their
lives. God, that you would speak God
practically give wisdom in every area of
their lives and God today I pray that you
would move me out of the way that the words
that come from my mouth would come directly
from you. Oh God, Jesus. We want you to be
honored and glorified today in Jesus. It's
in your name. We pray and everybody said,
amen. We are on the second week of our brand
new series called bless your heart.
A series on the relationships in our lives
and how to deal with difficult people in a
way that honors Jesus and brings peace into
our lives. Last week, we laid a foundation
for this series by talking about the
characteristics of a wise person. And today
we want to talk about anger. Have you ever
seen someone lose their temper enough to
learn a bless your heart from a local
grandma? Now, if you don't live in the
south, bless your heart. It is not a nice
term. Believe me. You can have a great
today. You can be enjoying every moment when
an angry customer or an upset boss or a
grumpy friend walks into your life. And at
about 1.2 seconds, all of a sudden you two
are frustrated and mad or upset. Remember
from last week, the big idea of this series
is that our relationships determine the
direction and the quality of our lives. God
uses us to grow other people and he uses
other people to grow us. And if you want to
are going to have healthy relationships
where we can grow, where we can become more
like Jesus, then we must live. How to deal
with our anger. If you have your Bibles with
you, encourage you to open up to the book of
Proverbs. That's where we're going to hang
out most of our time together today. But if
you don't have a Bible with you, don't
worry.
All the verses are going to be on. The
screen is I was studying about anger. This
week. I came across this story. I wanted to
share with you. There was an elderly lady
who was stopped, uh, pulled into a parking
place when a young man in a brand new red
Mercedes went around her and parked in the
space. Instead this little old lady, she was
so upset. She went up to the young man and
said I was going to park there. Well, the
young man was a real jerk. He said, that's
what you can do when you're young and rich.
Well, this upset the lady, even more. She
got in her car, she backed it up and then
stopped on the gas and plowed right into the
Mercedes. The young man ran back to his car
and said, what did you do that for? And the
old lady just smiled and said, that's what
you can do when you're old and rich, Hey,
listen, anger is not always wrong. But
uncontrolled anger is, you know, there are
some situations where anger is the
appropriate response. We need to be angry
against injustice, angry against greed,
angry against racism, angry against abuse.
The Bible says over 375 times, there were
moments when God, our Jesus gets angry, but
it was a righteous anger. It was a
controlled anger. Uh, let me, we'll give you
a little foundation. Some facts about anger.
Women lose their temper and average of three
times a week while men on average lose their
temper. Double that about six times a week.
Women typically get angry more as people
when men get more angry, more often at
things, see single adults express their
anger twice as often as married adults and
the place that you are most likely to
express your anger is at home. We get angry
more often and more intensely with those
that we love rather than strangers. And
there are 51 illnesses that can be directly
linked to anger. So the issue is not trying
to eliminate all anger because that's just
not possible. Rather, the question is how
can I express my anger in knowledge,
destructive ways. Remember what Ephesians 4
26 says, when you get angry, we're all gonna
get angry. When you get angry, do not sin.
We have a choice. We can either get angry
and we can control it, or we can get angry
and we can sin. And God doesn't want us to
sin in our anger. I told you earlier that we
were going to spend a lot of time in
Proverbs. Today. Proverbs was written by the
wisest person who ever lived king Solomon.
And if you will remember, king Solomon is
David's son. He succeeded king David, and he
asked God for wisdom, wisdom, and how to
lead people, wisdom in relationships.
So what I want us to do for just a moment, I
want us to read some of these verses some of
this wisdom from Proverbs about anger,
Proverbs 25, 28. If you cannot control your
anger, you were as hopeless as a city
without walls. Open to attack Proverbs 12,
16, a fool as quick tempered, but a wise
person stays call when insulted Proverbs
1632, it is better to be patient than
powerful. It is better to have self-control
than to conquer a city. Well, Jason, what do
we need to walk away with? What are the
winds for the day? The wind for today is we
need to understand the most common ways that
people express their needs, anger, and learn
how to disarm it in others and in ourselves.
So there are, or unwise ways to express
anger. If you're taking notes, you probably
fit into one of these categories. First are
the exploders. These, the people that when
they get angry, they blow up. They mow
people down. They are very expressive. Maybe
they even throw things. Maybe they yell.
They just let it fly. When they get mad,
they blow up to, you might think of them as
a walking Tomball with a hair trigger,
they're a powder keg, right? Ready to blow.
Then there are the employers and employers
don't blow up. They clam up, they live in
denial. They refuse to admit when they're
angry, I'm not angry. I'm not mad. It's a
masquerade.
It's pretend they conceal how they feel.
They try to suck it up. I call this pot
anger because it simmers and it stew slowly
over time. Here's the problem. When you
swallow your anger, it's going to make you
sick. And the result is high blood pressure
and tension headaches and all SIRS and all
kinds of illnesses and conflict never gets
dealt with properly. Number three are the
martyrs. And when the martyrs get angry,
they throw a pity party. They're passive.
They're self punishing. What's wrong with
me. It must be all my fault. I ought to. I
should have a muscle. You have one of the
most common signs that a person deals with
their anger as a martyr is a lot of martyrs
deal with depression. Then number four,
there are the wreckers. They don't get mad.
They get even, they're all about revenge and
a lot of movies. And a lot of TV shows in
our culture are built around records.
They're built around this category of anger.
I've got to get back. I've got to get even
you see manipulators will never face you
head on with their anger. They're always
trying to make you hurt as well. They want
to wreck your situation. But what we have to
understand about these categories of anger
is they are all learned responses. And the
good news is if they are learned responses,
then they can be unlearned.
What I want to do is I want to give you some
guidelines that will help you deal with your
anger and the angry people in your life. So
here's what the Bible says. Five biblical
ways to deal with anger and angry people.
Number one, if you're taking notes, you've
got to count the cost. You've got to count
the cost. You are less likely to get angry.
If you realize that there is always a price
tag for your anger. The Bible is very
specific about the costs of uncontrolled
anger. Proverbs 29, 22, an angry person
causes trouble. And the person with a quick
temper, a lot Proverbs 15, 18 hot tempers
calls, arguments, Proverbs 14, 29, anger
causes mistakes. Proverbs 14, 17 people with
hot tempers do foolish things. I don't know
about you, but I've learned this personally
in my life, nothing destroys relationships
faster than anger. I have relationships that
didn't cover after a momentary display of
anger. It is a shame for me and for them.
And I don't want you to walk through that as
well. Count the cost. Number two, look past
their words and see their pain. Proverbs 9,
10, 11 says, uh, man's wisdom gives him
patience. It is to his glory to overlook
offense. You have to understand friends,
hurting people, hurt people, hurting people,
hurt people, and there are people in your
life. And they have said things to you,
things that they didn't mean things that
they shouldn't have.
And it was rooted in a deep hurt that they
were had. It was rooted in a deep hurt. They
were experienced in their life. I want to
teach you about a myth this morning. There
is a myth that one has a set amount of
anger. Uh, think of it like everybody has an
anger bucket and your bucket is full of
anger. And we feel like there is a point
where if we can just dump the bucket out,
that we won't be angry any more that you can
just get rid of it. Maybe I'll just get rid
of my anger with an outburst. Maybe I can
just get rid of it with a primal scream. But
research shows France that aggression
produces more aggression, angry outbursts
leads to more anger, not less. So be
careful, be patient with people,
understanding. And there are things going on
in people's lives that you may not know
about. I believe with all my heart, that it,
every person you came in contact with had a
son around their shoulders, telling you what
they were dealing with. You would treat them
different. If you just knew. Number three,
you need to think before responding think
before responding anger control is largely a
matter of mouth control. Sometimes we just
need to not react. Proverbs 13, 16 says
sensible people always think before they
act, you see the more you understand, the
more understanding you'll be.
You'll be understanding with your spouse,
with your kids, with your coworkers, with
yourself. I want to give you three questions
to ask yourself. When you begin to get
angry, three questions to ask yourself as
you process your anger first, why am I
really angry? Second? What do I really want
in third? How can I really get it? And it's
not with an outburst. I can tell you that
right now. If you reflect before reacting,
you can identify the root cause because you
have to remember that anger is contagious.
Have you ever noticed that? If you're in an
argument and somebody else gets loud, what
happens? You get loud too. You react, you
respond. And so we want to stay calm.
Proverbs 15 one says a gentle answer,
quiets, anger, but a harsh one. Stirs it up.
You can't put your foot in your mouth. When
your mouth is closed. Number four, if you're
angry, we need to ask God for help. Have you
ever her squeezed toothpaste out of a tube
of toothpaste? What comes out toothpaste?
It's the same way with us when we are
squeezed, what's on the inside, comes out.
Have you ever talked to somebody? And they
got mad and they yelled. And they said,
well, gosh, I don't know where that came
from. I can tell you it came from their
heart because out of the overflow of the
heart, the mouth speaks. The Bible says,
pressure always reveals.
What's on the inside of you. And as
believers in Jesus Christ, we should have
what? Galatians 5 22 calls the fruit of the
spirit, that evidence of the holy spirit in
our life. Love joy, peace, patience,
kindness, goodness. Self-control when we get
squeezed, that's the fruit that we want to
come out. If I'm built with this spirit,
almost nothing upsets me. If I'm filled with
the flesh, almost everything me, we have to
remember that people and things can
influence us what or who is influencing you.
And number five, you need to keep your
identity. He rooted in Jesus Christ, angry
and insecurity go together. The more
insecure that I feel, the more likely I am
to allow anger to control me, listen to
Proverbs 29, 25. This is the message.
Paraphrase. The fear of human opinion,
disables you, but trusting. God protects you
from that. How can God help me manage my
anger? The problem is always someone else.
The problem is what is in heart. My mouth
betrays, my mouth shows what is really
inside of it. That's me. How can God change
your heart? The Bible says that he can give
you a brand new one. You see friends. Every
one of us is born a sinner. We are born
separated from God because of the sin of
Adam and Eve in the garden. We were born
wanting to be our own boss. We're born
wanting to make our own decisions.
We want to do our own thing. And that
separates us from God. And when we're
separated from God, we are destined for a
very real eternity in a very real place
called hell. Listen, but God loved you so
much that he sent his son, Jesus Christ, the
devil across for you. He's built his blood
so that you can be forgiven and set free. He
rose again from the grave to prove to
everyone that he was exactly who he said. He
was the son of God and the flesh. And if you
will place your faith in him, if you will
trust in Jesus Christ, the Bible says that
he will forgive you. The Bible says that he
will save you. The Bible says he will rescue
you and he will give you a brand new heart,
a brand new life today. He will give you a
home in heaven when you die. And he will
walk with you each and every day through
each and every circumstance. Jesus can give
you peace with God and peace in your
everyday ordinary life. But it's a decision
that only you can make the decision to place
your faith in Jesus Christ. And I want to
give you that opportunity right now. Maybe
that's you. When you say Jason, I want to
give my life to Jesus. I want to invite you
to pray a prayer with me right now in this
moment.
If this reflects what God is doing in your
heart, and you can repeat it word for word
or listen, you can use whatever words are
more comfortable for you, but pray something
like this. God, I've been going my own
direction with my life. I've been doing my
own thing. And today I realized that I'm a
sinner separated from me and I realized God
that I need a savior. And that savior is
your son. Jesus Christ. I believe Jesus died
on a cross for me. And I believe Jesus rose
from the grave. So I could be forgiven and
set free. God. I asked for your forgiveness
today. I asked for a brand new life today.
Jesus, you are my Lord and I love you. And
I'm going to follow you for the rest of my
life. Jesus, thank you for my fresh start in
Jesus. It's in your name. I pray. Amen. If
that was you, I want to congratulate you
because that's the greatest decision that
you could ever make with your life. The
decision to follow Jesus foot, please,
please don't change the channel. Please
don't turn off this video without letting us
know you can go to our website or you can
fill out our digital connect card, give us
name and email address a phone number just
some way to reach out. And I want to send
you my ebook.
Next steps for new believers to help you
grow in your faith, your faith doesn't stop
today. It starts today and we want to help
you become more like Jesus Christ. Now at
the end of every service, we dedicate time
to prayer and worship. And today's no
difference if you need prayer for anything
in your lock on bought you to go to our
website and fill out the online prayer
court. Or if you're online right now, you
can put your prayer requests in the comments
below our prayer team is on standby to
intercede for you to call your name out to
Jesus because Jesus loves you and he has for
you. And we love you. And we are for you.
Let's worship together. Jesus. We love you
so much. Thank you for my friends. God,
thank you for every person that can hear the
sound of my voice. God, I pray for them
right now. God, that you would break down
any lies of the enemy that he has spoken
into their lives. God, I pray Lord Jesus,
that there are people listening that need
healing. God, I pray that you would heal
father. There are people that need
provision. I pray that you would be Jehovah
Gyra the provider. Oh Lord God. For those
that are dealing with doubts and angers and
insecurity father, I pray in Jesus name that
they would find their hope and their
security and you that you would define them.
Oh God. Oh Lord Jesus. I pray that people
would become everything that you have called
and created them to be in Jesus. It's in
your name. I pray. Amen.

hi, Refuge family I'm Tina, and on and on
behalf of our team, we are so thankful you
chose to spend a little time with us today,
wherever you're joining us from, we're
honored to get to spend it with you! I also
want to say a special welcome to those of
you who are with us for the very first time.
Please let us know by taking a moment to
fill out our digital connect card. It is so
important to us to be able to connect with
you. If you're a returning guest, welcome
back. We want to get to know you, and
there's a couple of different ways we can do
that. Start a conversation with us online or
take part in starting point. I new live zoom
class that gives you a quick intro to refuge
church, and an opportunity to join the
refuge family. For more details on ways to
connect. Please send an email to
online@findrefugehere.com. We love you
refuge and hope you enjoy today's service.
What's up refuge, church, family, pastor
Jason. Here, I have missed you so much over
the past few weeks as I've been on
sabbatical, resting and recharging. Thank
you so much for being such a supportive
church for being a church that cares about
the health of its staff, so that we can do
ministry for the long haul.
I'll also want to say thank you to our team,
to our staff, to pastor mark, Brandon for
taking care of everything while I've been on
sabbatical. Listen, we have an incredible
team here and I'm so grateful for each and
every one of them. I want you to know that I
have missed you so much, and I've been
praying for you all month long, and I cannot
wait to see what God is going to do this
morning. As we continue the bless your heart
series, let's pray together and then jump
into God's word. Jesus. We love you so much.
Thank you for my refuge church, family, God,
I have missed them. I'm so grateful for each
and every one of them and God, I pray today.
Like I've been praying this past month, God,
that you would move powerfully in their
lives. God, that you would speak God
practically give wisdom in every area of
their lives and God today I pray that you
would move me out of the way that the words
that come from my mouth would come directly
from you. Oh God, Jesus. We want you to be
honored and glorified today in Jesus. It's
in your name. We pray and everybody said,
amen. We are on the second week of our brand
new series called bless your heart.
A series on the relationships in our lives
and how to deal with difficult people in a
way that honors Jesus and brings peace into
our lives. Last week, we laid a foundation
for this series by talking about the
characteristics of a wise person. And today
we want to talk about anger. Have you ever
seen someone lose their temper enough to
learn a bless your heart from a local
grandma? Now, if you don't live in the
south, bless your heart. It is not a nice
term. Believe me. You can have a great
today. You can be enjoying every moment when
an angry customer or an upset boss or a
grumpy friend walks into your life. And at
about 1.2 seconds, all of a sudden you two
are frustrated and mad or upset. Remember
from last week, the big idea of this series
is that our relationships determine the
direction and the quality of our lives. God
uses us to grow other people and he uses
other people to grow us. And if you want to
are going to have healthy relationships
where we can grow, where we can become more
like Jesus, then we must live. How to deal
with our anger. If you have your Bibles with
you, encourage you to open up to the book of
Proverbs. That's where we're going to hang
out most of our time together today. But if
you don't have a Bible with you, don't
worry.
All the verses are going to be on. The
screen is I was studying about anger. This
week. I came across this story. I wanted to
share with you. There was an elderly lady
who was stopped, uh, pulled into a parking
place when a young man in a brand new red
Mercedes went around her and parked in the
space. Instead this little old lady, she was
so upset. She went up to the young man and
said I was going to park there. Well, the
young man was a real jerk. He said, that's
what you can do when you're young and rich.
Well, this upset the lady, even more. She
got in her car, she backed it up and then
stopped on the gas and plowed right into the
Mercedes. The young man ran back to his car
and said, what did you do that for? And the
old lady just smiled and said, that's what
you can do when you're old and rich, Hey,
listen, anger is not always wrong. But
uncontrolled anger is, you know, there are
some situations where anger is the
appropriate response. We need to be angry
against injustice, angry against greed,
angry against racism, angry against abuse.
The Bible says over 375 times, there were
moments when God, our Jesus gets angry, but
it was a righteous anger. It was a
controlled anger. Uh, let me, we'll give you
a little foundation. Some facts about anger.
Women lose their temper and average of three
times a week while men on average lose their
temper. Double that about six times a week.
Women typically get angry more as people
when men get more angry, more often at
things, see single adults express their
anger twice as often as married adults and
the place that you are most likely to
express your anger is at home. We get angry
more often and more intensely with those
that we love rather than strangers. And
there are 51 illnesses that can be directly
linked to anger. So the issue is not trying
to eliminate all anger because that's just
not possible. Rather, the question is how
can I express my anger in knowledge,
destructive ways. Remember what Ephesians 4
26 says, when you get angry, we're all gonna
get angry. When you get angry, do not sin.
We have a choice. We can either get angry
and we can control it, or we can get angry
and we can sin. And God doesn't want us to
sin in our anger. I told you earlier that we
were going to spend a lot of time in
Proverbs. Today. Proverbs was written by the
wisest person who ever lived king Solomon.
And if you will remember, king Solomon is
David's son. He succeeded king David, and he
asked God for wisdom, wisdom, and how to
lead people, wisdom in relationships.
So what I want us to do for just a moment, I
want us to read some of these verses some of
this wisdom from Proverbs about anger,
Proverbs 25, 28. If you cannot control your
anger, you were as hopeless as a city
without walls. Open to attack Proverbs 12,
16, a fool as quick tempered, but a wise
person stays call when insulted Proverbs
1632, it is better to be patient than
powerful. It is better to have self-control
than to conquer a city. Well, Jason, what do
we need to walk away with? What are the
winds for the day? The wind for today is we
need to understand the most common ways that
people express their needs, anger, and learn
how to disarm it in others and in ourselves.
So there are, or unwise ways to express
anger. If you're taking notes, you probably
fit into one of these categories. First are
the exploders. These, the people that when
they get angry, they blow up. They mow
people down. They are very expressive. Maybe
they even throw things. Maybe they yell.
They just let it fly. When they get mad,
they blow up to, you might think of them as
a walking Tomball with a hair trigger,
they're a powder keg, right? Ready to blow.
Then there are the employers and employers
don't blow up. They clam up, they live in
denial. They refuse to admit when they're
angry, I'm not angry. I'm not mad. It's a
masquerade.
It's pretend they conceal how they feel.
They try to suck it up. I call this pot
anger because it simmers and it stew slowly
over time. Here's the problem. When you
swallow your anger, it's going to make you
sick. And the result is high blood pressure
and tension headaches and all SIRS and all
kinds of illnesses and conflict never gets
dealt with properly. Number three are the
martyrs. And when the martyrs get angry,
they throw a pity party. They're passive.
They're self punishing. What's wrong with
me. It must be all my fault. I ought to. I
should have a muscle. You have one of the
most common signs that a person deals with
their anger as a martyr is a lot of martyrs
deal with depression. Then number four,
there are the wreckers. They don't get mad.
They get even, they're all about revenge and
a lot of movies. And a lot of TV shows in
our culture are built around records.
They're built around this category of anger.
I've got to get back. I've got to get even
you see manipulators will never face you
head on with their anger. They're always
trying to make you hurt as well. They want
to wreck your situation. But what we have to
understand about these categories of anger
is they are all learned responses. And the
good news is if they are learned responses,
then they can be unlearned.
What I want to do is I want to give you some
guidelines that will help you deal with your
anger and the angry people in your life. So
here's what the Bible says. Five biblical
ways to deal with anger and angry people.
Number one, if you're taking notes, you've
got to count the cost. You've got to count
the cost. You are less likely to get angry.
If you realize that there is always a price
tag for your anger. The Bible is very
specific about the costs of uncontrolled
anger. Proverbs 29, 22, an angry person
causes trouble. And the person with a quick
temper, a lot Proverbs 15, 18 hot tempers
calls, arguments, Proverbs 14, 29, anger
causes mistakes. Proverbs 14, 17 people with
hot tempers do foolish things. I don't know
about you, but I've learned this personally
in my life, nothing destroys relationships
faster than anger. I have relationships that
didn't cover after a momentary display of
anger. It is a shame for me and for them.
And I don't want you to walk through that as
well. Count the cost. Number two, look past
their words and see their pain. Proverbs 9,
10, 11 says, uh, man's wisdom gives him
patience. It is to his glory to overlook
offense. You have to understand friends,
hurting people, hurt people, hurting people,
hurt people, and there are people in your
life. And they have said things to you,
things that they didn't mean things that
they shouldn't have.
And it was rooted in a deep hurt that they
were had. It was rooted in a deep hurt. They
were experienced in their life. I want to
teach you about a myth this morning. There
is a myth that one has a set amount of
anger. Uh, think of it like everybody has an
anger bucket and your bucket is full of
anger. And we feel like there is a point
where if we can just dump the bucket out,
that we won't be angry any more that you can
just get rid of it. Maybe I'll just get rid
of my anger with an outburst. Maybe I can
just get rid of it with a primal scream. But
research shows France that aggression
produces more aggression, angry outbursts
leads to more anger, not less. So be
careful, be patient with people,
understanding. And there are things going on
in people's lives that you may not know
about. I believe with all my heart, that it,
every person you came in contact with had a
son around their shoulders, telling you what
they were dealing with. You would treat them
different. If you just knew. Number three,
you need to think before responding think
before responding anger control is largely a
matter of mouth control. Sometimes we just
need to not react. Proverbs 13, 16 says
sensible people always think before they
act, you see the more you understand, the
more understanding you'll be.
You'll be understanding with your spouse,
with your kids, with your coworkers, with
yourself. I want to give you three questions
to ask yourself. When you begin to get
angry, three questions to ask yourself as
you process your anger first, why am I
really angry? Second? What do I really want
in third? How can I really get it? And it's
not with an outburst. I can tell you that
right now. If you reflect before reacting,
you can identify the root cause because you
have to remember that anger is contagious.
Have you ever noticed that? If you're in an
argument and somebody else gets loud, what
happens? You get loud too. You react, you
respond. And so we want to stay calm.
Proverbs 15 one says a gentle answer,
quiets, anger, but a harsh one. Stirs it up.
You can't put your foot in your mouth. When
your mouth is closed. Number four, if you're
angry, we need to ask God for help. Have you
ever her squeezed toothpaste out of a tube
of toothpaste? What comes out toothpaste?
It's the same way with us when we are
squeezed, what's on the inside, comes out.
Have you ever talked to somebody? And they
got mad and they yelled. And they said,
well, gosh, I don't know where that came
from. I can tell you it came from their
heart because out of the overflow of the
heart, the mouth speaks. The Bible says,
pressure always reveals.
What's on the inside of you. And as
believers in Jesus Christ, we should have
what? Galatians 5 22 calls the fruit of the
spirit, that evidence of the holy spirit in
our life. Love joy, peace, patience,
kindness, goodness. Self-control when we get
squeezed, that's the fruit that we want to
come out. If I'm built with this spirit,
almost nothing upsets me. If I'm filled with
the flesh, almost everything me, we have to
remember that people and things can
influence us what or who is influencing you.
And number five, you need to keep your
identity. He rooted in Jesus Christ, angry
and insecurity go together. The more
insecure that I feel, the more likely I am
to allow anger to control me, listen to
Proverbs 29, 25. This is the message.
Paraphrase. The fear of human opinion,
disables you, but trusting. God protects you
from that. How can God help me manage my
anger? The problem is always someone else.
The problem is what is in heart. My mouth
betrays, my mouth shows what is really
inside of it. That's me. How can God change
your heart? The Bible says that he can give
you a brand new one. You see friends. Every
one of us is born a sinner. We are born
separated from God because of the sin of
Adam and Eve in the garden. We were born
wanting to be our own boss. We're born
wanting to make our own decisions.
We want to do our own thing. And that
separates us from God. And when we're
separated from God, we are destined for a
very real eternity in a very real place
called hell. Listen, but God loved you so
much that he sent his son, Jesus Christ, the
devil across for you. He's built his blood
so that you can be forgiven and set free. He
rose again from the grave to prove to
everyone that he was exactly who he said. He
was the son of God and the flesh. And if you
will place your faith in him, if you will
trust in Jesus Christ, the Bible says that
he will forgive you. The Bible says that he
will save you. The Bible says he will rescue
you and he will give you a brand new heart,
a brand new life today. He will give you a
home in heaven when you die. And he will
walk with you each and every day through
each and every circumstance. Jesus can give
you peace with God and peace in your
everyday ordinary life. But it's a decision
that only you can make the decision to place
your faith in Jesus Christ. And I want to
give you that opportunity right now. Maybe
that's you. When you say Jason, I want to
give my life to Jesus. I want to invite you
to pray a prayer with me right now in this
moment.
If this reflects what God is doing in your
heart, and you can repeat it word for word
or listen, you can use whatever words are
more comfortable for you, but pray something
like this. God, I've been going my own
direction with my life. I've been doing my
own thing. And today I realized that I'm a
sinner separated from me and I realized God
that I need a savior. And that savior is
your son. Jesus Christ. I believe Jesus died
on a cross for me. And I believe Jesus rose
from the grave. So I could be forgiven and
set free. God. I asked for your forgiveness
today. I asked for a brand new life today.
Jesus, you are my Lord and I love you. And
I'm going to follow you for the rest of my
life. Jesus, thank you for my fresh start in
Jesus. It's in your name. I pray. Amen. If
that was you, I want to congratulate you
because that's the greatest decision that
you could ever make with your life. The
decision to follow Jesus foot, please,
please don't change the channel. Please
don't turn off this video without letting us
know you can go to our website or you can
fill out our digital connect card, give us
name and email address a phone number just
some way to reach out. And I want to send
you my ebook.
Next steps for new believers to help you
grow in your faith, your faith doesn't stop
today. It starts today and we want to help
you become more like Jesus Christ. Now at
the end of every service, we dedicate time
to prayer and worship. And today's no
difference if you need prayer for anything
in your lock on bought you to go to our
website and fill out the online prayer
court. Or if you're online right now, you
can put your prayer requests in the comments
below our prayer team is on standby to
intercede for you to call your name out to
Jesus because Jesus loves you and he has for
you. And we love you. And we are for you.
Let's worship together. Jesus. We love you
so much. Thank you for my friends. God,
thank you for every person that can hear the
sound of my voice. God, I pray for them
right now. God, that you would break down
any lies of the enemy that he has spoken
into their lives. God, I pray Lord Jesus,
that there are people listening that need
healing. God, I pray that you would heal
father. There are people that need
provision. I pray that you would be Jehovah
Gyra the provider. Oh Lord God. For those
that are dealing with doubts and angers and
insecurity father, I pray in Jesus name that
they would find their hope and their
security and you that you would define them.
Oh God. Oh Lord Jesus. I pray that people
would become everything that you have called
and created them to be in Jesus. It's in
your name. I pray. Amen.

Wherever you're joining us from, we're honored to get to spend it with you. I also want to say a special welcome to those of you who are with us for the very first time. Please let us know by taking a moment to fill out our digital ComNet card.

It is so important to us to be able to connect with you. If you were a returning guest. Welcome back. We want to get to know you. And there's a couple of different ways we can do that. Start a conversation with us online or take part in Starting Point, a new live zoon class that gives you a

quick intro to refuge church and an opportunity to join the Refuge family. For more details on ways to connect, please send an email to online at Find Refuge here dot com. We leave you refuge and hope you enjoy today's service.

Hey there, church Pastor Mark here. I'm so proud to see you. I'm going to be filling in for Pastor Jason today. Today, we're taking on our fifth week of our sermon series, Bless Your Heart. It's a look at how relationships are so important to what we do.

This series is all about how relationships take the direction of our lives into pat impact there. And I want to tell you that today we're going to be talking about the inner most people pleaser in all of us.

Now, kind of a funny story that's not really me. I'm not really a people pleaser, but even me, the one that's not a big people pleaser out there, I still struggle sometimes with making people happy. But as a pastor, you come away from a message sometimes and you ask yourself, that man, I hope people liked it.

But in reality, the people pleaser in us tells us that's important. And actually, we should want to please God, shouldn't we? So I know that happens, but I want you to know this. It's OK to have a desire to please people.

That's not a bad thing to have at all in your life. It's OK today how to avoid certain traps, because there are traps in people pleasing out there that we're going to talk about. But what I really need you to focus on is that the Bible commands us that our lives are not our own and they we're

not out there just to live for ourselves. We're out there totally to live for God. And that's our purpose. But like all of God's good gifts, it is a legitimate need, but it isn't meant to control your life.

So people pleasing is something that you have to avoid. It's a snare that you can't get tangled up in. Matter of fact, the Bible says in Proverbs twenty nine twenty five, it's dangerous trap to be concerned with what others think of you.

But if you trust the Lord, you're a safe. Think about that. It's a dangerous trap to get tied up in what everybody else thinks about you. And there's a part of that in my own life, right, that I think about and I struggle with.

But it doesn't matter your age whether you're a teenager, an adult, or you're up there and blessed with years. Everybody struggles with the idea of what people think about me. But how much does it control your life? You know, the downside of people pleasing is pretty obvious.

There's three downsides. Number one, we neglect our purpose. If you're so focused on pleasing other people, what is your purpose? You're missing. What are you neglecting? You cannot be worried about being what everybody else wants you to be and being what God wants you to be, because you can fall into the trap of being so focused on

everybody else. You miss God's purpose for your life. I like this verse in first Thessalonians two, for our purpose is to please God, not people. He is the one who examines the motives of our heart. Your purpose. Why you're here on Earth is not to please people, but it's to please God.

The second problem we run into with pleasing people is we start our own growth. We begin to juggle our lives. And it's kind of like what I have to keep my parents happy and my kids happy and my boss happy.

And I have to spend all of these plates. But I miss doing what God's called me to do when we try to please everyone. It's Stutts, our ability to grow in a relationship with Jesus Christ when God is so big in your life.

Everything else falls into place. Your growth isn't stunning, but when people are too big in our life, God has to become small. So it's so important that, yes, I want to make people happy, but I want to please God and everything else will fall into place.

You know, there's this magic little word sometimes, and I struggle with this little word. No no's, a hard word to say, because we feel that we're letting people down. But you have to ask yourself, are you pleasing God, God?

And people cannot be equal in our lives. We have to live to serve God. We have to choose who we're going to give more time to. We have to choose what route we're going to take, who we're going to dedicate things to.

Are we going to dedicate more to pleasing people? Are we going to dedicate more to pleasing God? Because only the foe is the one out there pleasing people. Now, loving God and loving people are not mutually exclusive. But for your love, for people to grow, you must love God first.

Remember that first commandment, love God. There is God. There is only one God. And beside that God, there is no other. So they're not mutually exclusive. And it's that important. I like this verse, Matthew. Twenty to thirty seven through forty.

Jesus replied, Love the Lord, your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it. Love your neighbor as yourself. All the law, the prophets hang on these two commandments, but love God first.

That gives you all the direction that you need and should keep you out of the people pleasing trap. The third thing, when we people please, we follow people in the sand. I mean, let's think about that. Now we see teenagers that want to be part of the in crowd.

I know adults that want to be part of the in crowd and part of the haves and and they start doing things that aren't right, even though that they know they're not right. And in their gut, they have the gut check.

The Holy Spirit kicks in and starts to tell them, listen, you know, that's not right, but yet you're still doing it, because being a people pleaser leads us down in the sand. We all see. And don't don't get me wrong in that every one of us could give examples of doing wrong things because we give in to

those two ugly words, peer pressure. Now we talk about our students more than anything. But listen, I've seen many adults give in to peer pressure. Listen, I even see people give in right now during a pandemic to things like masks shaming.

You know what? If somebody wants to wear a mask, let them. It doesn't matter because don't give in to peer pressure. We have to be willing to stand for what we think is right at that time and not folding.

We all have the desire to please that innate in us when we're born. We're born as children, wanting to make our moms and dads happy. We all have the desire, but we end up doing things that we know that we shouldn't do to please people sometimes.

And that leads to see an exodus. Twenty three to Moses says do not follow the crowd and doing wrong. What a simple verse, but yet something we all struggle with. Don't follow the crowd and doing wrong just because my dad would say somebody jumped off a bridge, does that mean you're going to jump off a bridge?

I think about that pleasing people causes us to cave in to our desires. We cave into peer pressure and there's example after example in the Bible of good men and women caving in to peer pressure. Peter denied he even knew Jesus.

He was pressured by the crowd and the little girl, and he denied that he knew Jesus pilot. He tried to let Jesus go free, but the Jews were screaming, crucifying. Amy gave in to peer pressure and said, OK, I'm not going to let him go free light.

He gave in to the people of Sodom that were screaming after him. God told Saul to get rid of all idolaters, but he didn't because the people didn't want to do that. So example after example in the Bible of great men and women giving in to peer pressure.

God knew we would struggle with this because our relationships pivot on this first same year fifteen twenty four. Saul compares to Samuel. I've said I've trampled roughshod over God's word and your instruction. I care more about pleasing people, so I let them tell me what to do.

Saul even knew he was wrong. He confessed it to the prophet Samuel. Listen. I fell into the trap of pleasing people, I gave into peer pressure. It caused me to Sam. I need you to ask yourself this question right now.

Everybody out there. And what area of your life? Am I caving in to the expectations of others? Right now, what area is it financially? Is it in a relationship? Is it in a friendship, something that you're doing that you know is not right, but because somebody else is warning you to do it, you're caving in to that

. In what area is it, PROV. 110. Dear friend, if bad companions tempt you, don't go along with them. If someone's talking you into something that you know is not right. The Bible is clear as day. Don't go. Don't step in there.

Don't do don't do that. Jesus knew this about the tendency of the human heart. We saw it again and again. Luke, 16, 15, Jesus speaking, said you make your sales look good in other people's eyes, but God knows your heart.

Again, in Second Corinthians 10 18, Paul writes, You may brag about your cell, but the only approval that counts is the Lord's approval. You have to make an honest look at yourself right now and say, man, where am I falling short?

Where am I giving in to that peer pressure? So how do I break out of the trap? How do I break out of being a people pleaser? I'm so glad you asked, because I got six things that are so important to breaking out of the trap.

Let's look at five biblical truths first. First off, God doesn't even please everyone. God doesn't even try to please everyone. But yet you're trying to be Christ like you want to strive to be godly and to be holy and to be mature.

And yet you're still trying to please everyone. And God doesn't even do that. Only a fool would try to do what God won't even do. It's that simple. You think your God. You think you're better than God. You're thinking, well, Pastor Mark, you're you're making me feel bad about myself.

You have to realize where you're at in the trial. There's no way you're better than God. If you just want to make people happy, don't have a relationship with them, because that's not what it's about. Just you know what?

Just avoid them. I want to tell you, Jesus said, woe to you when all man speak well of you. What think about that Jesus said, woe to you when all men speak well to you. He said that in Luke six twenty six.

That should make us do a double take. When Jesus said, hey, just when everybody talks good about you, because let's think about it. Jesus, the son of man that walk this earth. Did everybody talk good about him? No, not at all.

Matter of fact, hit his own people, the Jews in the area of crucifying, even after all the miracles. Woe to the man that everybody speaks good about. Ooh, I like that word, whoa, whoa. Means something's wrong. Whoa! Something's wrong.

Stop. If everybody likes you, it means you stand for nothing. That means that you just float in the air. Like a paper airplane on the current that takes you wherever the wind goes. But sometimes we have to dig our feet in and we have to stand against the current.

And it's OK to say no. Now you can do it lovingly. You don't have to be hateful and mean about it when you say no sometimes. But even Jesus said, whoa, when everybody likes you, there's a problem. It's OK for somebody to not like you.

Listen. So what? You only got ten likes on your social media post. If you were doing it for the likes, you did it for the wrong reason. It's not important. What does God think about you? That's what matters.

The second thing that you can do to break out of that trap is you don't need people's approval to be happy. You don't need the approval of people to be happy. Happiness is a choice. You choose to be happy.

Joy is a fruit of the spirit you think will pass or more joy and happiness the same thing? Not at all. Even in the miseries of what's going on, you can still choose to be happy. It's a choice.

I have joy because I know who my lord and savior is. Listen, I had a bad day this week. You know what? On Monday. It was a Monday. It was my first day back from vacation. Somebody stole my credit card information charge.

Two thousand dollars and my truck wouldn't start at the end of the day. But yet I smile because you know what, God loves me. And there's so much worse that can happen, and if those are the worst things that happened to me that day, then it wasn't too bad of a day.

You can't please everyone. You don't need to try to please everyone. God doesn't expect you to please everyone. If you look to any person other than Jesus to make you happy, you will always be unhappy. Is that simple?

If in your life you're mourning the approval of this person and that person, this man, that woman, your neighbor, your parents, your children, the people listening to this message right now out there, if I'm looking for your approval, then I am unhappy.

Because no matter how good you are with people, somebody is always going to complain and be unhappy about it. Ask yourself all the time, what does Jesus think? Only God can fill that need. You need Jesus. Isaiah 50 went well.

I am the one who comforts you. So why are you afraid of me? Are humans who wither like the grass and disappear? That's God talking, God said, I am the one who comforts you. So why are you afraid of what other people think?

It doesn't matter. God promises, though, that he'll never reject his children. Psalm twenty seventeen and even my father and mother abandoned me, the Lord will hold me close. That's all you need is the approval of our Lord and savior, the third thing you've got to remember to get out of the people pleasing drought, what seems so important

now is only temporary. OK, for those of you that are out of high school, I want you to think back right now to the five most important things to you in high school. Maybe it's people, maybe it's places, maybe it's the things that you that you had in high school.

How many of them matter today? How many of them matter now? I'm not counting about your social media contacts. The folks you hung out with in high school. How many of those people really matter in your life? One, two.

Zero. I mean, let's be honest. What do you think matters today is only temporary? First, John, to 17, the world and everything in it that people desire is passing away. But those who do the will of God will live forever.

Short term thinking leads to people pleasing. Don't think short term. Don't think in the here and now think in terms of eternity. Think of the impact you make on the Kingdom of God. What is the big picture? Because those are the things that matter.

I promise you that, because if you compare those five things important from high school versus the five things important to you, now, you'll see the difference in that. And what really matters, an eternal perspective leads to freedom in your decision making, looking with eyes upon the Lord, keeping your eyes toward the kingdom of heaven.

Luke, 16, 15, Jesus said the things that are highly valued by people are worth nothing in God's sight. What man values? God doesn't. God doesn't value money. Yes, there's a lot of verses in the Bible about money. But you know what, God values, he values you.

Where you're at. Well, Pastor Mark, you can't love me. I'm so wrapped up and in bad things right now. Listen, you might not be lovable, the man, but God loves you. What do people value most today, success, wealth, fame, their home, their job, all of that's temporary.

The kingdom of heaven is the only thing that's in eternal that God wants you to think about. Number four. The fourth thing to get out of the trap is your call to live for an audience of one. You're not called to live for an audience of thousands.

You're not called to live for the people at your work. Your call to live for an audience of one. This simplifies everything. If you really look at why you're on Earth, it's for the audience of one. Why do we sing worship songs?

It's not for the person at the left or right to know that I sing better than them. If you're doing it for that reason, you're doing it for the wrong reason. The reason you raise your hand and worship is not to be seen if you're doing it for that reason, you're doing it for the wrong reason, is

to worship God. The audience of one God looking at us, John, five, 30. Jesus says, I don't try to please myself, but I only please the one who sent me. Even Jesus said, hey, I'm here for the audience of one.

Stop trying to please everybody and try to please God. You realize that people pleasing is a form of idolatry, not an idol, and idolatry is sad. It takes you away from God, because if you're trying to please everyone and worried about what everyone thinks about you.

Then you're not pleasing God. Galatians one taen Paul Robt wrote, I am not trying to be a people pleaser. No, I am trying to please God. If I were still trying to please people, I would not be Christ's servant.

You remember all, Paul, I mean, he had some trouble over the years, right? He said, hey, hey, buddy, I'm not even a people pleaser. I'm here to please the audience of one. I'm here to please God. And if God says, hey, good job, good and faithful servant, then I'm happy.

Is that who you're living for, the fifth thing, to break the people pleasing trout? I will give an account of my life before God. I'm not going to give an account of your life. I'll have to give the account of my life, it's going to be your job to give your account.

Romans, 14, 12. Yes, each of us will have to give a personal account to God. So think about that, what is your account? Well, God, I tried to please my balls at work and work really hard from a job, and I tried to please my neighbors.

I cut my grass just right. So he would be happy, too. And I tried to please everybody that asks for more money because they needed money. And I gave them money because I don't want anybody mad at me.

The longer you walk with Jesus, you're going to encounter pressure. I promise you that to engage the truth of God and love are to cave under the pressure of people. Let me say that one more time to engage the truth of God and love or to cave under the pressure of people.

That's what you have to decide today. In those moments in my life that I've been reminded, reminded of of times that I've been in a quandary of pleasing people. Listen, there's three things I always go back to. I remind myself of what Jesus did for me.

I remind that I have to give an account to God personally, and you do, too. And I remind myself the integrity is so much more important than popularity. Let's say that wartime integrity is so much more important than popularity.

That's why social media gets me sometimes, because it's all about how many people click, they lock me or how many hearts I got or how many hugs I got or cares I got. And I just check it again and again, because that's want to see that people notice me.

But in the end, I have to give an account for me, and I'm not trying to win a popularity contest, because to be honest, the only vote that I need is from God that he's proud of me. And he says, good job, good and faithful servant.

When we learn to have more fear of God than a man. We're doing the right thing. When we learn to be less of a people pleaser, God will use us to grow other people and other people to grow us more than ever before.

Next time you see somebody out there trying to be a people pleaser, hug them and say bless your heart for him because it's a struggle, because you think you're doing the right thing. But I need you to remember this.

I told you there were six things to get out of that trap. And I share five biblical principles with you. But I haven't shared the most important one with you yet. I told you there were six truths to set you free.

And the six truth is the most important truth. It's Jesus Christ. See, unless you make Jesus your personal Lord and savior. Unless you say I need to be saved. I need Jesus. Then you're bound up in bondage of this world and you're in the trap of pleasing the world and pleasing people instead of pleasing God.

Jesus Christ died on a cross is a sacrifice for you and I. So that we can live for the audience of one. Will you pray with me right now? God, heavenly father. God, we just ask that you pour your favorite out upon us, God and God, there are people right now that are listening to this message that

are struggling with being people pleasers. God, God, they can't say no. And they're so worried about what everyone else thinks about them. God, I know that it's it's not just a teenager problem. A young adult in their 20s problem.

But God, it's a problem for people in their 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s and up. They won't. They want people to love them. But God let us have integrity to know that we live for an audience of one. God, right now I know there's people out there that say, Pastor Mark, I want to get saved.

Listen, friend, if you're out there praying right now and you need to get saved is the most important thing that you can do. I want you to close your eyes and pray a prayer like this right now out loud to God.

God, heavenly father, save me. I admit that I'm a sinner and a lost. I admit that I've done wrong. I believe that Jesus Christ died for me. I confessed my sins and I confessed him as lord of my life.

Save me God. It's in your name, I pray, amen. Church from the bottom of my heart, I want you to take a look at your life and the people pleasing tendencies that you have, because for our relationships to grow, we have to be willing to live for the audience of one.

I love your church. Now go and be the church.

 

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It is so important to us to be able to connect with you. If you were a returning guest. Welcome back. We want to get to know you. And there's a couple of different ways we can do that. Start a conversation with us online or take part in Starting Point, a new live zoon class that gives you a

quick intro to refuge church and an opportunity to join the Refuge family. For more details on ways to connect, please send an email to online at Find Refuge here dot com. We leave you refuge and hope you enjoy today's service.

Hey there, church Pastor Mark here. I'm so proud to see you. I'm going to be filling in for Pastor Jason today. Today, we're taking on our fifth week of our sermon series, Bless Your Heart. It's a look at how relationships are so important to what we do.

This series is all about how relationships take the direction of our lives into pat impact there. And I want to tell you that today we're going to be talking about the inner most people pleaser in all of us.

Now, kind of a funny story that's not really me. I'm not really a people pleaser, but even me, the one that's not a big people pleaser out there, I still struggle sometimes with making people happy. But as a pastor, you come away from a message sometimes and you ask yourself, that man, I hope people liked it.

But in reality, the people pleaser in us tells us that's important. And actually, we should want to please God, shouldn't we? So I know that happens, but I want you to know this. It's OK to have a desire to please people.

That's not a bad thing to have at all in your life. It's OK today how to avoid certain traps, because there are traps in people pleasing out there that we're going to talk about. But what I really need you to focus on is that the Bible commands us that our lives are not our own and they we're

not out there just to live for ourselves. We're out there totally to live for God. And that's our purpose. But like all of God's good gifts, it is a legitimate need, but it isn't meant to control your life.

So people pleasing is something that you have to avoid. It's a snare that you can't get tangled up in. Matter of fact, the Bible says in Proverbs twenty nine twenty five, it's dangerous trap to be concerned with what others think of you.

But if you trust the Lord, you're a safe. Think about that. It's a dangerous trap to get tied up in what everybody else thinks about you. And there's a part of that in my own life, right, that I think about and I struggle with.

But it doesn't matter your age whether you're a teenager, an adult, or you're up there and blessed with years. Everybody struggles with the idea of what people think about me. But how much does it control your life? You know, the downside of people pleasing is pretty obvious.

There's three downsides. Number one, we neglect our purpose. If you're so focused on pleasing other people, what is your purpose? You're missing. What are you neglecting? You cannot be worried about being what everybody else wants you to be and being what God wants you to be, because you can fall into the trap of being so focused on

everybody else. You miss God's purpose for your life. I like this verse in first Thessalonians two, for our purpose is to please God, not people. He is the one who examines the motives of our heart. Your purpose. Why you're here on Earth is not to please people, but it's to please God.

The second problem we run into with pleasing people is we start our own growth. We begin to juggle our lives. And it's kind of like what I have to keep my parents happy and my kids happy and my boss happy.

And I have to spend all of these plates. But I miss doing what God's called me to do when we try to please everyone. It's Stutts, our ability to grow in a relationship with Jesus Christ when God is so big in your life.

Everything else falls into place. Your growth isn't stunning, but when people are too big in our life, God has to become small. So it's so important that, yes, I want to make people happy, but I want to please God and everything else will fall into place.

You know, there's this magic little word sometimes, and I struggle with this little word. No no's, a hard word to say, because we feel that we're letting people down. But you have to ask yourself, are you pleasing God, God?

And people cannot be equal in our lives. We have to live to serve God. We have to choose who we're going to give more time to. We have to choose what route we're going to take, who we're going to dedicate things to.

Are we going to dedicate more to pleasing people? Are we going to dedicate more to pleasing God? Because only the foe is the one out there pleasing people. Now, loving God and loving people are not mutually exclusive. But for your love, for people to grow, you must love God first.

Remember that first commandment, love God. There is God. There is only one God. And beside that God, there is no other. So they're not mutually exclusive. And it's that important. I like this verse, Matthew. Twenty to thirty seven through forty.

Jesus replied, Love the Lord, your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it. Love your neighbor as yourself. All the law, the prophets hang on these two commandments, but love God first.

That gives you all the direction that you need and should keep you out of the people pleasing trap. The third thing, when we people please, we follow people in the sand. I mean, let's think about that. Now we see teenagers that want to be part of the in crowd.

I know adults that want to be part of the in crowd and part of the haves and and they start doing things that aren't right, even though that they know they're not right. And in their gut, they have the gut check.

The Holy Spirit kicks in and starts to tell them, listen, you know, that's not right, but yet you're still doing it, because being a people pleaser leads us down in the sand. We all see. And don't don't get me wrong in that every one of us could give examples of doing wrong things because we give in to

those two ugly words, peer pressure. Now we talk about our students more than anything. But listen, I've seen many adults give in to peer pressure. Listen, I even see people give in right now during a pandemic to things like masks shaming.

You know what? If somebody wants to wear a mask, let them. It doesn't matter because don't give in to peer pressure. We have to be willing to stand for what we think is right at that time and not folding.

We all have the desire to please that innate in us when we're born. We're born as children, wanting to make our moms and dads happy. We all have the desire, but we end up doing things that we know that we shouldn't do to please people sometimes.

And that leads to see an exodus. Twenty three to Moses says do not follow the crowd and doing wrong. What a simple verse, but yet something we all struggle with. Don't follow the crowd and doing wrong just because my dad would say somebody jumped off a bridge, does that mean you're going to jump off a bridge?

I think about that pleasing people causes us to cave in to our desires. We cave into peer pressure and there's example after example in the Bible of good men and women caving in to peer pressure. Peter denied he even knew Jesus.

He was pressured by the crowd and the little girl, and he denied that he knew Jesus pilot. He tried to let Jesus go free, but the Jews were screaming, crucifying. Amy gave in to peer pressure and said, OK, I'm not going to let him go free light.

He gave in to the people of Sodom that were screaming after him. God told Saul to get rid of all idolaters, but he didn't because the people didn't want to do that. So example after example in the Bible of great men and women giving in to peer pressure.

God knew we would struggle with this because our relationships pivot on this first same year fifteen twenty four. Saul compares to Samuel. I've said I've trampled roughshod over God's word and your instruction. I care more about pleasing people, so I let them tell me what to do.

Saul even knew he was wrong. He confessed it to the prophet Samuel. Listen. I fell into the trap of pleasing people, I gave into peer pressure. It caused me to Sam. I need you to ask yourself this question right now.

Everybody out there. And what area of your life? Am I caving in to the expectations of others? Right now, what area is it financially? Is it in a relationship? Is it in a friendship, something that you're doing that you know is not right, but because somebody else is warning you to do it, you're caving in to that

. In what area is it, PROV. 110. Dear friend, if bad companions tempt you, don't go along with them. If someone's talking you into something that you know is not right. The Bible is clear as day. Don't go. Don't step in there.

Don't do don't do that. Jesus knew this about the tendency of the human heart. We saw it again and again. Luke, 16, 15, Jesus speaking, said you make your sales look good in other people's eyes, but God knows your heart.

Again, in Second Corinthians 10 18, Paul writes, You may brag about your cell, but the only approval that counts is the Lord's approval. You have to make an honest look at yourself right now and say, man, where am I falling short?

Where am I giving in to that peer pressure? So how do I break out of the trap? How do I break out of being a people pleaser? I'm so glad you asked, because I got six things that are so important to breaking out of the trap.

Let's look at five biblical truths first. First off, God doesn't even please everyone. God doesn't even try to please everyone. But yet you're trying to be Christ like you want to strive to be godly and to be holy and to be mature.

And yet you're still trying to please everyone. And God doesn't even do that. Only a fool would try to do what God won't even do. It's that simple. You think your God. You think you're better than God. You're thinking, well, Pastor Mark, you're you're making me feel bad about myself.

You have to realize where you're at in the trial. There's no way you're better than God. If you just want to make people happy, don't have a relationship with them, because that's not what it's about. Just you know what?

Just avoid them. I want to tell you, Jesus said, woe to you when all man speak well of you. What think about that Jesus said, woe to you when all men speak well to you. He said that in Luke six twenty six.

That should make us do a double take. When Jesus said, hey, just when everybody talks good about you, because let's think about it. Jesus, the son of man that walk this earth. Did everybody talk good about him? No, not at all.

Matter of fact, hit his own people, the Jews in the area of crucifying, even after all the miracles. Woe to the man that everybody speaks good about. Ooh, I like that word, whoa, whoa. Means something's wrong. Whoa! Something's wrong.

Stop. If everybody likes you, it means you stand for nothing. That means that you just float in the air. Like a paper airplane on the current that takes you wherever the wind goes. But sometimes we have to dig our feet in and we have to stand against the current.

And it's OK to say no. Now you can do it lovingly. You don't have to be hateful and mean about it when you say no sometimes. But even Jesus said, whoa, when everybody likes you, there's a problem. It's OK for somebody to not like you.

Listen. So what? You only got ten likes on your social media post. If you were doing it for the likes, you did it for the wrong reason. It's not important. What does God think about you? That's what matters.

The second thing that you can do to break out of that trap is you don't need people's approval to be happy. You don't need the approval of people to be happy. Happiness is a choice. You choose to be happy.

Joy is a fruit of the spirit you think will pass or more joy and happiness the same thing? Not at all. Even in the miseries of what's going on, you can still choose to be happy. It's a choice.

I have joy because I know who my lord and savior is. Listen, I had a bad day this week. You know what? On Monday. It was a Monday. It was my first day back from vacation. Somebody stole my credit card information charge.

Two thousand dollars and my truck wouldn't start at the end of the day. But yet I smile because you know what, God loves me. And there's so much worse that can happen, and if those are the worst things that happened to me that day, then it wasn't too bad of a day.

You can't please everyone. You don't need to try to please everyone. God doesn't expect you to please everyone. If you look to any person other than Jesus to make you happy, you will always be unhappy. Is that simple?

If in your life you're mourning the approval of this person and that person, this man, that woman, your neighbor, your parents, your children, the people listening to this message right now out there, if I'm looking for your approval, then I am unhappy.

Because no matter how good you are with people, somebody is always going to complain and be unhappy about it. Ask yourself all the time, what does Jesus think? Only God can fill that need. You need Jesus. Isaiah 50 went well.

I am the one who comforts you. So why are you afraid of me? Are humans who wither like the grass and disappear? That's God talking, God said, I am the one who comforts you. So why are you afraid of what other people think?

It doesn't matter. God promises, though, that he'll never reject his children. Psalm twenty seventeen and even my father and mother abandoned me, the Lord will hold me close. That's all you need is the approval of our Lord and savior, the third thing you've got to remember to get out of the people pleasing drought, what seems so important

now is only temporary. OK, for those of you that are out of high school, I want you to think back right now to the five most important things to you in high school. Maybe it's people, maybe it's places, maybe it's the things that you that you had in high school.

How many of them matter today? How many of them matter now? I'm not counting about your social media contacts. The folks you hung out with in high school. How many of those people really matter in your life? One, two.

Zero. I mean, let's be honest. What do you think matters today is only temporary? First, John, to 17, the world and everything in it that people desire is passing away. But those who do the will of God will live forever.

Short term thinking leads to people pleasing. Don't think short term. Don't think in the here and now think in terms of eternity. Think of the impact you make on the Kingdom of God. What is the big picture? Because those are the things that matter.

I promise you that, because if you compare those five things important from high school versus the five things important to you, now, you'll see the difference in that. And what really matters, an eternal perspective leads to freedom in your decision making, looking with eyes upon the Lord, keeping your eyes toward the kingdom of heaven.

Luke, 16, 15, Jesus said the things that are highly valued by people are worth nothing in God's sight. What man values? God doesn't. God doesn't value money. Yes, there's a lot of verses in the Bible about money. But you know what, God values, he values you.

Where you're at. Well, Pastor Mark, you can't love me. I'm so wrapped up and in bad things right now. Listen, you might not be lovable, the man, but God loves you. What do people value most today, success, wealth, fame, their home, their job, all of that's temporary.

The kingdom of heaven is the only thing that's in eternal that God wants you to think about. Number four. The fourth thing to get out of the trap is your call to live for an audience of one. You're not called to live for an audience of thousands.

You're not called to live for the people at your work. Your call to live for an audience of one. This simplifies everything. If you really look at why you're on Earth, it's for the audience of one. Why do we sing worship songs?

It's not for the person at the left or right to know that I sing better than them. If you're doing it for that reason, you're doing it for the wrong reason. The reason you raise your hand and worship is not to be seen if you're doing it for that reason, you're doing it for the wrong reason, is

to worship God. The audience of one God looking at us, John, five, 30. Jesus says, I don't try to please myself, but I only please the one who sent me. Even Jesus said, hey, I'm here for the audience of one.

Stop trying to please everybody and try to please God. You realize that people pleasing is a form of idolatry, not an idol, and idolatry is sad. It takes you away from God, because if you're trying to please everyone and worried about what everyone thinks about you.

Then you're not pleasing God. Galatians one taen Paul Robt wrote, I am not trying to be a people pleaser. No, I am trying to please God. If I were still trying to please people, I would not be Christ's servant.

You remember all, Paul, I mean, he had some trouble over the years, right? He said, hey, hey, buddy, I'm not even a people pleaser. I'm here to please the audience of one. I'm here to please God. And if God says, hey, good job, good and faithful servant, then I'm happy.

Is that who you're living for, the fifth thing, to break the people pleasing trout? I will give an account of my life before God. I'm not going to give an account of your life. I'll have to give the account of my life, it's going to be your job to give your account.

Romans, 14, 12. Yes, each of us will have to give a personal account to God. So think about that, what is your account? Well, God, I tried to please my balls at work and work really hard from a job, and I tried to please my neighbors.

I cut my grass just right. So he would be happy, too. And I tried to please everybody that asks for more money because they needed money. And I gave them money because I don't want anybody mad at me.

The longer you walk with Jesus, you're going to encounter pressure. I promise you that to engage the truth of God and love are to cave under the pressure of people. Let me say that one more time to engage the truth of God and love or to cave under the pressure of people.

That's what you have to decide today. In those moments in my life that I've been reminded, reminded of of times that I've been in a quandary of pleasing people. Listen, there's three things I always go back to. I remind myself of what Jesus did for me.

I remind that I have to give an account to God personally, and you do, too. And I remind myself the integrity is so much more important than popularity. Let's say that wartime integrity is so much more important than popularity.

That's why social media gets me sometimes, because it's all about how many people click, they lock me or how many hearts I got or how many hugs I got or cares I got. And I just check it again and again, because that's want to see that people notice me.

But in the end, I have to give an account for me, and I'm not trying to win a popularity contest, because to be honest, the only vote that I need is from God that he's proud of me. And he says, good job, good and faithful servant.

When we learn to have more fear of God than a man. We're doing the right thing. When we learn to be less of a people pleaser, God will use us to grow other people and other people to grow us more than ever before.

Next time you see somebody out there trying to be a people pleaser, hug them and say bless your heart for him because it's a struggle, because you think you're doing the right thing. But I need you to remember this.

I told you there were six things to get out of that trap. And I share five biblical principles with you. But I haven't shared the most important one with you yet. I told you there were six truths to set you free.

And the six truth is the most important truth. It's Jesus Christ. See, unless you make Jesus your personal Lord and savior. Unless you say I need to be saved. I need Jesus. Then you're bound up in bondage of this world and you're in the trap of pleasing the world and pleasing people instead of pleasing God.

Jesus Christ died on a cross is a sacrifice for you and I. So that we can live for the audience of one. Will you pray with me right now? God, heavenly father. God, we just ask that you pour your favorite out upon us, God and God, there are people right now that are listening to this message that

are struggling with being people pleasers. God, God, they can't say no. And they're so worried about what everyone else thinks about them. God, I know that it's it's not just a teenager problem. A young adult in their 20s problem.

But God, it's a problem for people in their 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s and up. They won't. They want people to love them. But God let us have integrity to know that we live for an audience of one. God, right now I know there's people out there that say, Pastor Mark, I want to get saved.

Listen, friend, if you're out there praying right now and you need to get saved is the most important thing that you can do. I want you to close your eyes and pray a prayer like this right now out loud to God.

God, heavenly father, save me. I admit that I'm a sinner and a lost. I admit that I've done wrong. I believe that Jesus Christ died for me. I confessed my sins and I confessed him as lord of my life.

Save me God. It's in your name, I pray, amen. Church from the bottom of my heart, I want you to take a look at your life and the people pleasing tendencies that you have, because for our relationships to grow, we have to be willing to live for the audience of one.

I love your church. Now go and be the church.

 

Hey, church family Pastor Jason here, I am so excited about week seven of our series, Bless Your Heart. I truly hope that this has made it impact in your life. It has been so fun. As a pastor to preach the series, I said last week, this is one of my favorite series that we've done all year.

And I truly hope that it has made a marked impact in your life, your walk with God and your relationships with other peoples. Hey, let's pray together and then let's jump into God's word. Jesus, we are so thankful that you are a God of relationship God.

We're thankful that your word gives us so much information and so much life changing wisdom about how to deal with the people in our lives, especially difficult people. But, Father, today I pray that you would teach us how to be intentional in our relationships.

God, I know that relationships aren't easy for everyone, but I know that it's something that you want us to do. It's something that you have commanded us because it's life changing. You are the author of Relationship to God.

I ask that today your Holy Spirit would speak to our hearts, speak to our lives, God, that you change us if there's anything you need to challenge inside of us. God, we give you permission just to change and challenge whatever you need to in our lives.

God, we're going to give you the honor and glory for what you do. And it's in Jesus name, I pray. Eight men. Well, good morning again. Church family. Over the past six weeks, we've been on a journey together, haven't we?

Learning that our relationships determine the direction and the quality of our lives, which means that learning how to navigate them the Jesus way is one of the most important things that we can do in our walk with God.

We've learned about wisdom and anger and conflict and more in relationships. And now we're going to wrap this series up, learning the most important aspect of relationships, and that is how our relationships relate to our faith. Proverbs 27 17, a very popular and well-known verse as iron sharpens iron.

So a friend sharpens a friend. What do you think about this question for a moment? Who in your life has helped you grow as a Christian? Or who in your life has helped you to reexamine your faith or to become curious about your faith again?

I know in my life there's been many, many people that have helped me along my journey with God. I think about my wife, Jessica, because she would not get serious about me when we were in college until I was serious about faith.

And she really challenged me to get in God's word and be active in church. And she reignited my faith in Jesus Christ. There was David Cochrane, who was my youth pastor when I was in high school. He saw something in me when I was a teenager.

He gave me a chance to serve. He gave me a chance to lead. He even gave me a chance to preach before I even realized I was being called into ministry. And then one of my pastors, Frankie Powell, he invested in me when he didn't have to.

He just felt led to be intentional about a relationship with this church planting pastor in north Alabama. And this pastor, who's been in ministry for 30 years, speaking all over the world, investing in people, would take time just to invest in me and pour into my life.

And there have been so many others. That have given me grace and mercy and love in tough seasons of my life. Here's the point. When you hear a faith story about how God moved in someone's life, you always, almost always hear about relationships you almost never hear.

In isolation, I found God and grew to who I was supposed to be. Now you hear things like I was going along and I met this woman who showed me so much grace. I was in college and met this professor who cared about me and poured into me.

I dropped out of school and then I met this friend who helped get me back on Pather. I was at this job and my boss was a Christian. And that's why they acted so different towards me. Or maybe you've even heard somebody say or you've said yourself, I just feel like God somehow meshed our lives together for

a reason in this season. What's that all about? Let's get to Ecclesiastes for 12 for a moment. It says a person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back to back and conquer. Three or even better for a triple braided cord is not easily broken.

You see, God uses us to grow people, and he uses people to grow us. God uses relationships to change the very course of our lives. But the opposite is true as well. Looking back, you may have had relationships that undermined your faith.

That made you find yourself with even less faith than before. Isn't it true that your greatest regrets can also be traced back to relationships, a text that you wish you had never responded to, a Snapchat, you wish you had never sent a business opportunity.

You wish you had walked away from. Even the habits you had such a hard time breaking were probably introduced to you through a relationship. You see relationships intersect with our faith in two ways. If you're taking notes, number one, the wrong kind of relationships have the potential to undermine our faith.

There's a story about a man named Samson, he was one of the strongest people in the world, judges 16 tells us the story sometime later. Samson fell in love with a woman named Delilah who lived in the valley of Sawrey.

The rulers of the Philistines went to her and said, Ninti Samson, they tell you what makes him so strong in how he can be overpowered and tied up securely. Then each of us will give you 11 hundred pieces of silver.

So Delilah said this. Samson, please tell me what makes you strong and what it would take to tie you up securely. Now, shortly after this, through a process, Sampson finally told the what she wanted to know, and when he did, he was captured by the Philistines.

The wrong type of relationship undermined his growth and his power. But the opposite is also true. Number two, the right kind of relationships have the potential to build up our faith. Ecclesiastes for 10. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help, but someone who falls alone is in real trouble.

Proverbs twenty seven none. The heartfelt counsel of a friend is a sweetest perfume and incense. But now the question is, what do we do with that? Everyone we come in contact with either works to build our faith or to tear it down.

It's not neutral. So every single day you are surrounded by other people who could care less about your faith. But we are also living in a culture who is not pushing us toward faith in God either, but pushing us away from it.

So what do we do? We must be intentional about building the right relationships. It's essential. Proverbs 13 12 excuse me, 13 20. Walk with the wise and become wise, associate with fools and get in trouble. Solomon wrote this The wisest man in the world says the people that you choose to surround yourself with have the potential to

affect your spirituality. There is always a spiritual component to our relationships. Remember what Paul wrote to the Corinthians? Bad company corrupts good character. The point that Paul is making is simply this human relationships can have a negative spiritual impact.

So here's what I want you to do. Here would be my encouragement, here would be my challenge to you to be intentional about right relationships, and I want to encourage you to have three types of relationships in your life.

You may have even heard this before. This isn't an original thought. But if you're going to build your faith, you've got to have three different types of people. Number one, you need a mentor. You need a Paul in your life.

Now, people use family language a lot in church. So I'm going to say it this way. You need a spiritual father or a spiritual mother, someone that you need them, that they don't need you. They're just there because they're going to pour into your life.

Like I talked about Pastor Frankie Powell earlier. He doesn't need me. I need him to pour into me. He's like a spiritual father. But listen to me. Videos are great. Podcasts are great. But you cannot be spiritually fathered or mothered by a podcast.

First Corinthians for 15. Even if you had ten thousand guardians in Christ, you do not have many fathers for in Christ, I became your father through the gospel. Paul writes, He's talking about being a spiritual father to people, to pastors.

We need that. We need a mentor. We need someone to lead us, guide us, correct us, admonish us and encourage us, someone that we're willing to take correction from. I'm grateful that I have multiple spiritual fathers in my life, in our church context.

We call them a board of overseers. They are pastors and counselors that pour into me that I am accountable to. Everyone in our church, including me, is under accountability. It's important for the health of our church and for my health as a leader.

But I have men that are bothering me that I can go to spiritually and I can ask questions and they can ask me tough questions and they can correct me. They can point me in a different direction or they can just give me wisdom when I don't know what to do or what to say.

You need a mentor in your life. Number two, you need close friends. You need a Barnabus. You've heard me say time and time again that this is the most technologically connected culture in the history of the world. But simultaneously, it is the most relationally anemic.

You need friends. You need people that you can hang out with, people who are going to encourage you, people who are going to sharpen you. You need each other. Acts eleven twenty two to twenty four. The news about them reached the ears of the church at Jerusalem and they sent Barnabus off to Antioch.

Then when he arrived and witnessed the grace of God, he rejoice and began to encourage them all with a resolute heart to remain true to the Lord, for he was a good man and full of the Holy Spirit and a faith and considerable numbers were brought to the Lord.

You see, you need good people in your life, people who are encouragers, people who are full of the Holy Spirit of God, who can speak in the U. You need close Christian friends. And number three, I believe everyone needs a protege.

I believe you need a Timothee, you need a Paul, somebody pouring in to you, you need a Barnum's, you need friends, Piers, but you need a Timothee. You need someone that you are pouring into. First, Timothy, one, two.

This is Paul writing. I'm writing to Timothy, my true son and the faith. May God the father and Christ Jesus, our Lord, give you grace, mercy and peace. Did you know that people are watching you? People are watching you, people are watching your life, they're watching how you react to situations, they're watching your journey, your walk with

God. You see, you may only have a few spiritual fathers or spiritual mothers, but you can have lots of spiritual sons and spiritual daughters. Younger people. That are looking to you to be an example for them to follow.

I love this verse from Matthew five. You were a light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people a lot of lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead, they put it on its stand and it gives light to everyone in the house in the same way.

Let your light shine before others that they may see your good deeds and glorify your father in heaven. God has put you on this earth to be a light, to be a light in your home, a light in your church, a light in your community, a light your workplace, a light in your school.

People are watching you. They're seeing how you react to all of the junk that's going on in the world. Friends, it's time to shine. Some to be ambassadors of Jesus, it's time to show people who Jesus really is.

Church, when we get together, we're able to be a light that no amount of darkness or evil can overcome. Let's be intentional about relationships. Let's be intentional about loving each other, about walking through life together. We need each other.

God created it that way. And just as he is in relationship with himself and he is in relationship with us, he is giving us the opportunity. To do life with our brothers and sisters in Christ, and as a result, we can make an incredible, incredible impact together.

Be intentional. Your relationships determine the direction and the quality of your life. Let's be intentional about the friendships that we have. Now, there's one friendship that we need more than any other. And that's a friendship with our Lord and savior, Jesus Christ.

But it starts there before Jesus can be your friend. He's got to be your Lord. He's got to be your king. The Bible says that all of us are born sinners were separated from God. We're destined for hell and for punishment because we disobey.

We do our own thing. We follow our will instead of God's will, but God loved you so much and he wanted a relationship. Listen to me. He wanted a relationship with you so much that he stepped out of heaven and became the God man, Jesus Christ.

He lived a perfect life. He never did anything, said anything, even bought anything that was wrong. He modeled to us how to live and how relationships. He taught us what God is like. But then he went a step further and he willingly gave himself up to down a cross because a price had to be paid.

A penalty had to be paid for our sin. And either we could pay it in hell or he could pay it on the cross. And he chose to die on the cross. He suffered torture. But even worse than that, the wrath of God that was meant for you and me was poured out on Jesus.

He was separated from God. Jesus experienced hell so that you wouldn't have to Jesus died so that you might truly live. He spilled his blood so that you could be forgiven and set free, and three days later, Jesus rose again from the dead to prove that he was God in the flesh.

And that he had defeated sin and defeated death and defeated the devil. The Bible says that if you will accept that, if you will believe that. If you'll place your faith in what Jesus did on that cross, you'll be saved from hell.

You will be rescued from the punishment of God. And you will have a restored, reconciled relationship with him. He will be your heavenly father. You will be his son or daughter. He will never leave you or forsake you in your life can be filled with purpose and joy.

Piece. You can have peace with God that it starts with Jesus. Maybe you're watching, maybe you're listening and you say, Jason, my heart is beating out of my chest. I know that that is the decision that I need to make.

I want to give you the opportunity right now to choose Jesus. I want to invite you wherever you're at, whatever you're doing. Just stop. And pray this with me, God, I've been going my own direction in my life.

I've been following my own will instead of yours, I've been making my own decisions, and I realize today that there is something more for me. I'm a sinner separated from you. And I believe you sent Jesus Christ to live a perfect life.

To down across from me. And a raise again from the dead so that I can be forgiven and set free. God, today I choose Jesus. I choose your forgiveness. I choose a brand new life. Following you. Jesus, you're my Lord.

And I love you. And that I am deciding to follow you for the rest of my life as my Lord and savior in Jesus, it's in your name, I pray. Amen. If that was you, congratulations, the Bible says that all of heaven is celebrating.

Your choice to follow Jesus and we're celebrating with you and we want you to know we're here for you if you don't have a spiritual family, if you don't have a church home. Welcome home. We would love to be your church.

I would love to be your pastor. And we would love to walk with you through this newfound faith. But please don't change the channel. Please don't turn off this video without letting us know. You can reach out and contact us through the website.

Our phone numbers on the screen, our digital connect card is available, a post above or the comment below if you're online. Reach out, give us a name and email address, a phone number, some way to reach out. I want you to know we'll be praying for you by name and we will help you grow in your faith

. Now, as we conclude today, I want to end with worship and prayer. Maybe you're watching or listening and you say, Jason, there's a lot going on in my life. I get it. And I want you to know that even though I may not know what's going on, that's OK.

God knows what's going on. He cares about you. He loves you. He is aware. And he has not left you. He is, in fact, fighting for you. This is a time to turn to him and let him know your fears, let him know your needs, let him know your doubts and your desires.

And if there is any way that we can be praying for, you, do not hesitate to let us know. It would be our honor and our privilege to pray for you today. Let's worship and pray and then let me pray for you.

Oh, Jesus. Your lover away. Well, Nancy. Your lives are never run dry, your. Well. Nancy? He. I love the rose sweet, sweet olive Tom. When? Love South. Love those sweet. Sweet Jesus. We are so thankful that you wanted to be in a relationship with us.

That you endured the cross, that you endured the punishment of God so that our relationship can be reconciled and restored so that we can have peace with you. God, I pray for my friends and my family and our guests that are watching.

That would say that they don't have peace today. Prince of Peace, I pray that you would move peace their way. Prince of Peace. I pray that you would give them an indescribable peace that can only come from you, O'Con.

Father, I pray that they would understand that you love them, that you were aware that even in this moment you were wrapping them up in your arms. Oh, God. Showing them the way, leading them, guiding them, directing them.

And no matter if everyone else turns their back on them, you have it and you will not. Oh, God. Jesus. Thank you in advance for what you're going to do in people's lives, we love you, Jesus.

 


We’ve all got people in our lives that make us want to say, "bless your heart". From button-pushers and boundary-ignorers to havoc-wreckers and drama-seekers, these people test us like no other. If our relationships determine the direction and quality of our lives, learning how to deal with difficult people can change the course of our life forever.
Join us for our new series, Bless Your Heart, as we learn how to deal with difficult people in a way that both honors God and brings peace back into our lives!